My world is falling apart
A little back story , I have bipolar and emotional deregulation been up and down
For years , married for 25 years my husband was very abusive coercive and manipulative he never hugged me when I was sad or held me just because , we have children . I ended the relationship after he got aggressive with my autistic daughter .
Since then I got close to another man , but we couldn't work the logistics ( he worked London 4 days week lived Wales saw his 3 girls weekends I live back ass of devon husband rarely has his children for very long I would of have it a good go but he was worried one of us would get hurt) that upset me , then my 18 year old son moved out ( there is a thread somewhere) i struggled with that really badly not to mention I've just gone back to work after 8 months off ,
But my mental health is struggling , I can't cope with anything minor, I get upset over everything and see the negative side to
It , I realise now I am always going to be alone , whilst my ex has it easy and 2 women on the go ( he likes
To tell the kids who sadly tell Me)
Take today my daughter wanted to go beach and was wearing a sweater I asked her if she was planning on wearing that to
The beach she shouted at me and I went to pieces ( she has asd)
I am lonely , unhappy and sad all the time at least when my husband was here I wasn't ever alone , some days I only see my two youngest and my grandson
And then work ( I don't see my
Colleagues very often it's a lone worker job ) .
I just don't see what value I have anymore , I didn't expect to feel so lost all the time .
I cry at adverts , songs and even when I saw an elderly couple on the beach he was helping her across the sand it made me cry .
I don't know what to do but I think
I am pushing my other eldest children away .