Just what my title says really. Most people think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but it's true. From the time I was little, I was bullied and put down in school, to the point where I developed severe agoraphobia and was afraid to even go outside. My older sister also hated and resented me from the day I was born which has continued to this day. My father dealt with depression and a very demanding job and I always felt it very hard to emotionally connect with him. My mother did her best and still does I guess, but she refused to ever eben acknowledge my sister's cruel behaviour and just said that it would never change.
Any friendships or relationships were also abusive in one way or another. A so called friend of many years, last year told me that she 'didn't need me' anymore after I went through a difficult time. Unfortunately friendships like this have been more the norm than the exception.
Romantic relationships have not been much better. One guy threatened to kill me on a number of occasions, kept stalking me for 2 years after the relationship ended and eventually I had to involve the police.
I'm told I'm a kind, empathic person and I know I'm a good person, yet I feel like I can't take much more. I frequently feel suicidal. I have taken a variety of medications and have a diagnosis of PTSD but most of them have limited effect. I also speak to a therapist but he just seems to want to blame everyone else for my problems and that is not helpful to me.
I feel incredibly alone with all of this and like there is something fundamentally wrong with me that I deserved all of this bullying and abuse. I don't even feel like a whole person anymore and am really struggling to go on