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Mental health

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Not enjoying the sunshine, sat indoors in a complete mess

16 replies

Goodmum1234 · 17/07/2021 18:32

Is anyone out there the same.
I’m in ads and have come out of a bad place mentally but I cannot get organised or sort the clutter. It’s taking over my life.
No where is organised, sorted or relaxing; it’s just depressing.
I just want to relax today but can’t as every room is a mess, needs cleaning and organising.
I’ve lived like this for years, manage ok but it’s ruining my life.
I have to step over things, the kitchen counters have mess and paperwork all over them.
I’ve spent days in the past sorting and donating to charity but I’m always in a mess.
Helpful advice, tips a d a handhold please.
I can feel myself spiralling again

OP posts:
Kindleandacuppa · 17/07/2021 19:50

I'm not much good at advice but want to offer a handhold Flowers

Maybe try making a list of small jobs you could do around the house each day so that you aren't overwhelmed then tick it off the list - small jobs each day. When I clean I like to play some music and open all the windows/curtains and just clean while listening it definitely lifts the mood!

Hope you're okay OP

depthdespair · 17/07/2021 20:16

I have no advice but I am the same op

Genesis1v27 · 18/07/2021 12:42

I read a great book recently, called "How to Keep House While Drowning" by KC Davis. She offers compassionate advice on reframing one's thinking about oneself when having trouble with "care tasks." It's short and could be read in an hour, and has a lot of wisdom I think anyone could learn something from. Here's a typical quote:

"Care tasks are morally neutral. Being good or bad at them has nothing to do with being a good person, parent, man, woman, spouse, friend. Literally nothing. You are not a failure because you can’t keep up with laundry. Laundry is morally neutral."

Have a look at reader reviews on Amazon, they should give an idea on whether it would be helpful or relevant.

The author's website has good tips too, the address is www.strugglecare.com

LunaLula83 · 18/07/2021 12:44

Hire a skip

ChicChaos · 18/07/2021 12:49

Break it down into smaller pieces - say do 15 mins in one room, then have a break outside for 15 mins. Then repeat. It will get done over time, there's no need to try and do it all in one day. Starting can be the hardest bit, once you do that it is easier.

LozzaChops101 · 18/07/2021 12:53

If you have a room that is smaller than any of the others try starting with sorting that one in little bitesize chunks. If you can end up with one room you feel is a nice refuge to escape to it really makes you feel a lot better and makes it a lot easier to cope with dealing with the rest. I know it's easier said than done, I'm a disaster with no executive function. Have you ever had a look at "Unf*ck your habitat?" They have little checklists and "mini challenges" that can help you know where to start and feel like you've made progress. Good luck x

SingToTheSky · 18/07/2021 13:02

I have found the same over so many years. Our mood and our environment are so tangled together, it’s hard to break out of the cycle 💐

For me an ADHD diagnosis and meds helped.

But another thing I have learned over time is to just do one thing. Anything. It doesn’t matter that it’s a drop in the ocean. Depression makes us feel like “what’s the bloody point” and all-or-nothing thinking makes it seem futile because we want it ALL to be done. But hold on to the fact it is making a tiny difference and it IS better than not doing anything. Even just throwing one thing in the bin or putting one thing away.

One tip I learned recently - that absolutely blew my mind - is action PRECEDES motivation. If we sit waiting for the motivation to start it won’t happen, but if you force yourself to do that ONE thing, the little success gives you a mini dopamine boost and that can help you get motivated. But even if it doesn’t, you have still done one thing, and that means you have made progress. 💐

SingToTheSky · 18/07/2021 13:07

Also, I know it can be a bit intimidating joining a long running thread, but you (and anyone else!) really would be very welcome on the Fledglings thread. Some people might get lots done on there with scary lists but we don’t always - sometimes my biggest achievement is getting out of bed to be honest. Lots of us on there have faced depression, anxiety etc, there is NO judgment for how much we can or cannot do, only support.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4285015-Its-July-Fledglings-are-Flying-towards-Freedom-hopefully

But equally of course I am very happy to keep cheering you on here 💐

DumbestBlonde · 18/07/2021 13:11

Here's a handhold from me too Flowers
You are not alone, but only you feel how you do: it's no good if we all tell you it will be possible if, for you it just isn't.... But please just a wee try..... because it won't help your mood, as you know, to continue to let things fester. One tiny space, one thing, one surface, one shelf... Remember when feng shui came in....? Cleaning, sorting, tidying give you good energy, and you can get into a bit of a flow with it. Give yourself a small reward when you accomplish something and think of a result you would like stage by stage.
And trust me I could do with these words of advice myself.
But, most of all, don't beat yourself up any more... Slow progress is still progress 🤗💕

Toffeebutterpopcorn · 18/07/2021 13:15

Can you take a day off work and blitz it? Bin bags (junk, charity shop, give away) and be ruthless. Put on some upbeat music and make a day of it.

BamberGascoine · 18/07/2021 13:57

Im a little bit in the same position. Fortunately I’m in a good place mentally so I can “think straight”, no idea how long it will last. Just come back from staying with a friend whose house is so calming. When I sat there enjoying the space I realised it wasn’t the size and the newness, it was the lack of stuff and busyness. Obviously this won’t appeal to everyone, I only mention it because I managed to work out what it is that appeals to me. I made myself a promise that I’d start creating that once home.

On the out side I appear lazy but it’s actually a feeling of futility and frustration that stops me doing anything. Sometimes I do nothing and sometimes I do just enough. Very occasionally I blitz and do lots but have now realised that was just moving the mountains of stuff around.

There are 2 approaches, the scattergun and the sniper. Normally I do the scatter gun, wander around picking things up and moving them but have decided to try the sniper approach. So I decided the kitchen would get the attention and I started in one area. I’m not just moving stuff I’m either putting it away, rehoming or completely removing it. Im also actually doing it with each item, the inly exception being folding clothes. Every single item is either put away, binned or put jn the charity bag. No piles of stuff everywhere. I really hate the stage where it actually looks worse before its better. So I’m trying to omit that.

Good areas to begin might be;
bathroom so when it’s done you can have a lovely soak or refreshing shower jn nice surroundings.
Bedroom to relax in when its done, read a book or whatever. You can shut the door on it
Kitchen- if you love cooking you will get ylur mojo back. A kitchen is a room that really feels clean when its done. Can smell lovely and often the heart of the home so the joy will spread from there.
Entrance hall- so you knkw if you have to answer the door or when you first come in you don’t feel a slump. Again it will spread from there
Lounge- again a room to shut the door on and become a little oasis.

You just need to pick the one with the biggest draw for you.

But if you decide the sniper id not for you then the scattergun can have really dramatic impact. I personally start with a rubbish/recycling bag (or 2). Move from room to room removing ALL rubbish. I’m not talking about the stuff you need to make decisions over I mean actual rubbish that needs binning. Then go round collecting all pots and washing up. Take that all in to the kitchen, if its been there a while put it in soak. Include all vases etc. Basically anything that needs washing up.
Next take a box or bin bag and go around the whole house finding stuff to send to charity. At this stage don’t make any tough decisions. Just do the easy stuff. Ive done this for 2 days then tomorrow will drop off what there so far before I start agin, rather than waiting until its done. Again, resisting the temptation to have piles of stuff to move.

Once youve done those 2 things youll have more room and brain/eye space to move things around to where you want them.

I guess the key is to then keep it at bay. I’m not there yet so will see how that goes!!

BamberGascoine · 18/07/2021 13:58

Missed out that you mustn’t beat yourself up over it. There are so many more of us in this position than people would have you believe. Also, no need to put a time line on it. Ive just started then seeing where it takes me!

SingToTheSky · 18/07/2021 14:11

Wow I love the sniper vs scattergun idea! Going to think on that later, thanks for posting 💐

TellySavalashairbrush · 18/07/2021 15:20

I always put my head phones on and listen to a gripping podcast or some good music to get tidying up done. Promise myself a
Break and have a cuppa and something nice to eat after a couple of hours and then repeat. If I sit thinking about what needs doing it becomes overwhelming, so I tackle one job at a time. All the best op.

gurglebelly · 18/07/2021 15:46

I went through a phase where I was just completely overwhelmed with keeping on top of it all. I found that tackling something during the ad breaks of my favourite tv shows helped e.g one add break clean the sink, the next clear the sides, the next clean the sides

MuckyPlucky · 12/08/2021 10:08

Some fantastic insightful tips on here, especially the ones who truly acknowledge and understand the barriers to action that MH struggles bring. Less helpful are the posts saying to just put music on or just hire a skip etc (they’re missing the point a little although well intentioned).
I struggle hugely at times due to having serious MH issues and two young children whilst working f/t and lone parenting. The link between feeling low and my house getting on top of me is a viscous circle with one continually feeding the other, and then my internal critic berating myself for being slovenly/lazy/disorganised/a bad mother etc… so I have just ordered the ‘How to Keep House While Drowning’ book as recommended upthread. Thanks so so so much to the poster who recommended it @SingToTheSky 💐

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