I’ve had a few weeks of being really depressed after a while of being ok, on medication that seemed to be working. I’ve started seeing my therapist again, I’ve spoken to friends about how I feel, spoken to my parents and seen the doctor, just waiting on a different medication which I’ll start this week. I’ve had a couple of evenings when I’ve been with friends and done fun things and had a nice time, laughed, felt normal. Including last night - I was in tears laughing and just having a great time. Thought I was getting out of the woods. But today I feel that wave of depression again, so heavy, thinking of ending things again for no apparent reason. I can tell myself there is no reason, good things are coming. And yet I still have this constant urge and non stop thoughts about ending my life. It’s so exhausting and I’m so tired of fighting those thoughts off, thinking I won’t do it because it will hurt others, my family, forever. But I don’t know how I’m meant to keep fighting them off.. feel like I’m living in misery solely to stop my family and people I know from being hurt by my death. So tired of it.