This is going to be long- but I have previously suffered with depression and anxiety before and during pregnancy, I've had therapy for 5+ years but that didn't help. I also use to be in a position where I had partner/ family telling me horror stories of medications making me not want to take what the doctor prescribed which was stupid but that's my fault for listening.
3 weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful son, the first week I felt fine just lots of hormones but since then I've just felt numb. I love my baby to bits but I just feel so unhappy in my self. I'm dealing with body issues too. I can't describe it but everything I'm doing it's just like I feel numb and I'm just doing it to do it, does that make any sense. I know lack of sleep probably doesn't help, but I don't feel tired I feel restless. Everything I do taking the baby out in the pram it's just pure anxiety, crying, sometimes I'm watching tv but I'm not even watching it I'm just staring into space, I probably sound insane.
I want to reach out for help but with my track record with mental health I'm worried that my doctor ect will say I'm unfit to be a mum. I don't want to hurt myself I don't want to hurt my baby i take care of him the best I can and I love him, I just want to feel happy that's it. Long story but please be kind I am a first time mum trying to be the best she can be I just feel so stuck.