How to keep my job

[PickingMyselfUpSoRun]

Probably not the right place to put this.

My son (15) is a victim of a crime early this year I am not allowed to discuss it with him. He can't discuss it with anyone, School know the situation and cant discuss it. It may take a while to draw to a formal conclusion so he's been left in the wind and he's needing a lot of support from me.

I am not sleeping and have been put on sleeping tablets recently (last week), they don't help as I've been up since 2 but they have side affects which cloud my judgment to do a decent job at work. I've asked for unpaid leave for a few days to 1 week to access mental health support for my family and been as open and honest as I can be but they are not allowing it and are going to take me through a sickness process and likely dismissal.

I have emails where I have requested unpaid leave and was told to use my annual leave now just woke up to a email asking for a formal sickness meeting. I absolutely feel so stressed about switching my work phone on today so a hand hold or some wise words will be welcome as my brain is just tired out now and I'll get a call soon. I was ready to get back to work but this knocked me sideward. I'll have no regrets about losing my job as my family comes 1st - but I know when the dust settles I need to work or at least a decent reference .

How much sick leave have you had and is it odd days or a block? Has it all been covered by GP certificates, when necessary?

How long have you been in post? Have there been prior concerns about performance?

Who is saying you can’t discuss your sons situation with him?

I had pleurisy - pneumonia and blood clots early last year, it could have been Covid but no antibodies were detected in my bloods. My immune system was compromised as a result and it seems that it is a hereditary condition and I had some biopsies chest x rays/mri/ct/pet scans but nothing came up.

I've worked for the organisation for over 10 years and have never requested unpaid/paid special leave before. I'd work if I could sleep.

I cant say anything about the investigation other than it would compromise any conviction if he or I spoke about it.

Thank you for responding.

Are you in a trade union?

If not, get familiar with the policies and procedures that are applying to your situation. Most likely absence management and capability. If you are going to a meeting where a decision could be made to dismiss you you must be informed of that fact and you have the right to have a union representative accompany you.

Thank you soup, I'm familiar with the procedures but its hard to fight your own corner when a bit off kilter due to medication and bone tired. I've never had issues with my work and actually have been working 10 hrs a day - well above my contracted hours to provide cover as I love my job. There is nothing on my HR file to say there has ever been an issue, I was very ill last year but am keen to get on with work and life. I'm not asking for paid sickness - unpaid time off to deal with all the appointments.

Can you not tell them about the case without giving any specifics, as you have done on here? It makes sense that you're literally worried sick. But you'll need to give them something to go on. Any decent manager should support you. But if they don't, try and talk to someone else in management or HR or OH or whatever you have at your workplace. Keep a record so that you are seen to be proactively seeking help within your org and take their advice. Hope you get some rest soon.

I have done that tinselvestsparklepants, I've provided a police log number so they can check without compromising anything that there is a current investigation, my sons school can confirm it, I have spoken to my GP and self referred to occupational health.

@PickingMyselfUpSoRun

Good that you're familiar with the processes, that'll stand you in better stead than many. I'd be surprised given your length of service and previous sick record if dismissal was the first option. Sounds more like a formal sickness meeting to discuss all the issues, see what supports can be put in place and have a record of informing you that further absence could lead to further action. You should make the point that you've a good sickness record but just had a bad patch and now need some flexibility and time to support your son - and you've explained why you need the time and not just taken days off sick.

Have your accrued flexitime you can take by working long hours and doing cover?

Are there carers policies at your work you could request leave to support your family? I'm guessing you've probably made the request already, given they've been refused. Is there an appeal process?

Have you spoken to anyone in HR? They don't always help, but might be able to advise on why you're requests have been denied.

Hope things get better for you. Take care.

Thank you - I'm so grateful for your advice.

I have just spoken to victim support who are arranging a letter to be sent confirming to my employer that we are helping with a very serious/sensitive ongoing investigation. They think the police will confirm that much but my work want full details which I cant share and rightly so.

I have very good HR support and support in place for my son. Its just 3 days I need off until this medication helps me sleep. We have several leave policy's and I am a front line worker. It was literally all hands on deck in the last 18 months & just got paid additional hrs you can't carry it fw'd as flexi after April and there is no cover even if it was an option for me. My HR colleagues don't know more than I've shared here and suggest going off sick (Which I'm not at present I'm requesting unpaid leave and don't feel like I should be off sick but perhaps I need to rethink it)

Thank you