I've struggled with depression on and off for many years but I had been doing better. Since having my little boy just over a year ago things got bad again and I did some CBT last year for PND which I didn't really find to be of much help. I was in a very dark place during the second lockdown and eventually went to the GP and was prescribed antidepressants in March. I have felt better since but I often catch myself fantasising about taking my life. I think it's more of a way of coping and comfort than something I would do.
That said I have little enjoyment in my life and just go through the motions on a daily basis.
I'm worried about the affect having a mum like me is having on my son and now i'm wondering, almost panicking, about what would be best for him.. if I were to have the courage to take my own life whilst he's still young he wouldn't remember me, would that be better for him than me sticking around and being like this? I love him so much and would do anything for him but I just don't know what to do for the best for him and feels like an impossible situation