It’s really hard to put down in to words how I’m feeling but I will try.
DD is 6 months old and the best thing to ever happen to me.
The love hit me like a tonne of bricks and i still can’t quite believe she’s mine and I get to keep her.
Some of the thoughts and feelings I’m having….
Constant worry about something happening to her, I almost imagine my life without her on a daily basis and have told myself I could not go on if anything were to happen
I’ve never left her, not once, with anyone else (exclusively bf so that’s my excuse when really I just can’t bring myself to)
Anxiety about the inevitable return to work, it breaks my heart to think about it and is on my mind daily
Feeling like I’m a bad mum (even though I know I’m not) and that she deserves better than me
Anxiety around everything from money to long car journeys to DD’s health and well-being - constantly every day worrying about everything
Concerns around relationship - even though I know we are solid I seem to be suddenly for the first time in our marriage concerned that DH will have an affair and leave us (completely unfounded!)
Specific worries about sending DD to nursery, picking the right one, allowing someone else to care for the most precious thing in my world
Getting upset at baby growing bigger, want to keep her small, I know most parents feel this but it’s really quite upsetting… she’s growing so quickly I feel like I’m missing it even though I am right here??
I think the best way to describe where I’m at is an intense love that has overcome me but is completely making me irrational and unable to think with a clear head.
Im not tearful and am managing to function (though I do have to force myself out of the house some days when all I really want to do is sit and cuddle and play with DD) but the overthinking and anxiety about everything is really consuming.
I don’t feel depressed and do have very happy days and moments but then it’s like a cloud of anxiety comes over me to tell me that I should enjoy these moments as anything could happen and that’s just a horrible way to think about things.
I’m absolutely rambling and just getting my muddled thoughts and feelings down but wondered if anyone had any help or advice for me.
I’d really like a clearer head to embrace and enjoy the next 6 months of my maternity leave without being an anxious wreck!
Is this normal new mum stuff?!?
Thank you :)