Life without Child

[changesoul]

Life without child? How do you cope up ? And how u manage to accept the fact you will never be able to have kids ?

Hello, I assume from your question that you ate struggling with this

I don’t know if I am the right person to answer you, because I am childfree by choice (sort-of, I don’t have a partner so nobody to have kids with anyway) and am in my late 30s.

Would it help you to think about what having a child means to you? What makes it something you long for?

It might be about caring, nurturing somebody’s development, feeling loved and valued, contrubuting to society / humanity, finding a group of friends in other mums, feeling you have done the ‘right thing’, belonging, a shared endeavour with your partner, a purpose to your life, comfort in your old age... you get the idea.
Thank your time and be really honest with yourself.

Then see if you can meet some of these needs in other areas of your life? Are there things you can do that will boosst your self worth and happiness as a childfree woman?

I hope this is helpful, and sorry if it isn’t. Sending xx

Hi OP, have a look at this organisation, it may help you:
gateway-women.com/

@Creamcustards

Hello, I assume from your question that you ate struggling with this

I don’t know if I am the right person to answer you, because I am childfree by choice (sort-of, I don’t have a partner so nobody to have kids with anyway) and am in my late 30s.

Would it help you to think about what having a child means to you? What makes it something you long for?

It might be about caring, nurturing somebody’s development, feeling loved and valued, contrubuting to society / humanity, finding a group of friends in other mums, feeling you have done the ‘right thing’, belonging, a shared endeavour with your partner, a purpose to your life, comfort in your old age... you get the idea.
Thank your time and be really honest with yourself.

Then see if you can meet some of these needs in other areas of your life? Are there things you can do that will boosst your self worth and happiness as a childfree woman?

I hope this is helpful, and sorry if it isn’t. Sending xx

Hmmm ...I know what u mean. I personally don't care much but it will be nice to have kid who looks somewhat like me & my partner who we can see him/her grow and can be support in our old age too. That's all if in case anything happens to u or ur partner u still have someone to look fwd too ... when it comes to if I can full-field that via doing something else or someone else it will be my partner and me & my family but that's all.

I don't know but u have good point life moves on I should not get upset over things I don't have and be happy what I have.

Thank you

Another recommendation for Gateway Women. A brilliant online community for women who don't have children and who need some support with that

I'm mostly very grateful that I don't have children these days, but it took years of grieving to get there. Please don't be ashamed of you're struggling at the moment

I wouldn't hang my hat on the idea of my child supporting me in my old age. Lots don't.

@RugratMum

I wouldn't hang my hat on the idea of my child supporting me in my old age. Lots don't.

I know no one does ... but atleast u will have someone who calls u and u know they r there that's what I meant

@RugratMum

I wouldn't hang my hat on the idea of my child supporting me in my old age. Lots don't.

U don't have kids just coz u think of ur old age .. it's not more to have family that's what I meant

Honestly, you're much better off with a network of friends and neighbours. My gran has six kids and her most frequent caller is her neighbour Doris. She calls every day and they visit each other a few times a week.

I’m glad you felt my post was helpful OP. I have those fears about being alone in old age, and sadness about not passing on my genes too. These are the things I remind myself of:

1. I know lots of elderly people with friends and a support network. I can use my child-free years to invest in my friends and contribute to the community. My friends and I will grow old together. Eventually their children will be grown up and gone. I think friendships when elderly must bring a huge amount of comfort and possibly more company than children, who will have their busy lives to attend to. I am a good ‘aunty’ to my friends’ kids. When I’m older, I hope some of them might spare their Aunty Creamcustard a thought and send me a Christmas card or even have me round for dinner 😊 No children doesn’t have to mean alone.

1. I contribute through my work and volunteer role with kids. I impart my learning, experience, compassion and “wisdom”(!) These parts of me are more valuable and more ‘who I am’ than my genes, I think. I can still play an important role for good in the lives of children, watch them grow up, and leave some of myself behind in the next generation- just not the bits that can be seen☺️

@changesoul hey , if you don’t mind me asking is it a medical reason you can’t have kids or just no partner ? I’m not sure what your diagnosis is but have you thought about IVF and doner sperm/egg ? Or surrogate ? Xx wishing you best of luck for whatever you decide xx

[quote Sadgirl28]@changesoul hey , if you don’t mind me asking is it a medical reason you can’t have kids or just no partner ? I’m not sure what your diagnosis is but have you thought about IVF and doner sperm/egg ? Or surrogate ? Xx wishing you best of luck for whatever you decide xx[/quote]
I have fibroids & endometriosis it's been difficult been years trying so I know I won't have my own & now my age is 38 so I have missed my window I think I won't get naturally pregnant. I'm married for past 10 yrs + so yeah now we might explore the options of adoption if it's meant to be I might get lucky .. hopefully in 2 yrs might see what is for me. I always wanted to fall pregnant naturally anyways u don't get everything adoption is as good I think & if all goes well in my personal life then in 2 yrs I might have kid 🤞