I’m in a really bad place and cannot stop thinking about/planning to take my life. I have one friend who I’ve spoken t about it because she’s been in a similar place mentally and it feels easy but now it feels like she is sick of me talking about it and I don’t want to bring her down with me. I’m seeing a therapist who helps but only for that day and then I spiral again. Sometimes I feel absolutely sure it’s what I’ll do and other times I feel scared and I don’t wNt to die and I don’t want to do that to people who, despite everything, love me and would be hurt. I wish I didn’t have that logical part still there and it was easier. I haven’t told my other close friends or my parents for various reasons. Firstly I don’t want to worry them. Second I don’t know what they will be able to do to help and fear that this will make me feel worse but it will then be harder to do it because they’ll know. Thirdly, with my friends in particular, I don’t want them to think I am just attention seeking or being dramatic, because I think they will think if I really felt this way I’d just do it, like the people who have done it and nobody had a clue they were feeling that way. I think a lot of people think that if you’re serious about it you won’t talk about it. I’m just so exhausted, I have a heavy feeling in my chest all the time, relieved slightly when I’m distracted or with people at work so can’t think about it, but as soon as I’m alone it’s back and I cry and just feel like I’m at war with these two options. I’ve had depression and thoughts like this for a while but this time they are worse than ever, it seems they get worse each time. Just two weeks ago I was so content with life and for no reason now it’s gone into this nosedive into darkness and I don’t know if I’m going to survive it. It almost feels inevitable. I don’t know why I am posting here, I’m not even a mum, I’m 27 and single, I just felt I needed desperately to express this to someone else.