Hi all, please be gentle as it’s my first ever post…I’ve been married to my DH for almost a year, together 18 months, so a bit of a whirlwind romance I guess. But we don’t yet live together, we have talked about it but agreed that it wasn’t right for us straight away.
3 months into the marriage DH went awol and just disappeared. He didn’t turn up at work, wouldn’t speak to me for days, until eventually he said he just needed to be left alone for a while. I was aware that he’d had some mental health problems in his past so I did all I could to support him and arranged leave with work and sorted food shopping for him as he couldn’t face leaving his house. After about a month DH got help from the GP and was prescribed AD’s, went back to work and started spend time with me again. I was so proud of him for each step he took towards getting better.
But now I’m really struggling. DH has changed from the funny, affectionate and romantic man I married to someone who can be very cold and distant. I’m sad when I think about how happy I was, and it’s almost as if I’m grieving for the man I married. I’m confused and paranoid as it now turns out that DH may also have a personality disorder of sorts. He’s confessed to me that for the most part he doesn’t care about anything or anyone that much, he also confessed to being massively manipulative in past relationships just because he could.
He says he loves me, and wouldn’t do that to me, but it’s left me reeling. I have a history of being in abusive relationships which DH knows and I said to him that it’s a giant red flag for me and makes me very uncomfortable. I’m so confused and worried that he manipulated me into getting married, and this is who he really is. Was he pretending to be someone he’s not?
I cry almost every day since November. He either doesn’t seem to notice or simply doesn’t care.
I don’t know if I may also be depressed. If I was prescribed AD’s I think may numb me to it all and that may not make it ‘right’ if that makes any sense.
I know my DH is struggling with his mental health, and I will love and support him through that, but I don’t feel that I can ask for support from him in return as I don’t want him to feel bad for me struggling when his mental health is not his fault. I feel I have so many questions that I just can’t ask him. I don’t know where to turn, or what to think anymore. What do I do? How do I continue to be his rock when I need a rock of my own? Please help.