OCD theme. Can anyone reassure my son?

[Ocdsuckssomuch]

My son sufferers from OCD. There is one thing that he can't get out his head and it is destroying him. He can't seem to accept what I say, he says that he can't enjoy life as he thinks he may get arrested for this.

When he was 12 or 13 or he thinks maybe 11, he came across a cartoon online. The cartoons were of naked people(he thinks) but the more he thinks about it, they could have been younger, he's worried they were depicting teens but he can't remember, he says that there is no point trying to work hard and going to university because at any time the police may come and arrest him.

He said he could have had a happy life if he didn't make this mistake.

I can't reassure him. I was wondering if anyone can help and ensure him that this is nothing to worry about and he may listen. He has now started avoiding lots of situations that could result in him making mistakes.

He's worried the police could come at any time..

I don't know how to help or reassure him anymore...

:-(

Your son needs to see a therapist. Maybe one who practises CBT.

How old is your son?

Have you tried rational thinking techniques with him, time lapse sequences?

You could also use the old fashioned technique of speaking to your local station and seeing if a special or PC could pay a visit? We did this 5 years ago when we had different issues with DD, they could only give a vague time on the day but we stayed in touch and they managed a quick visit.

@CanIBeACurlyGirl

How old is your son?

Have you tried rational thinking techniques with him, time lapse sequences?

You could also use the old fashioned technique of speaking to your local station and seeing if a special or PC could pay a visit? We did this 5 years ago when we had different issues with DD, they could only give a vague time on the day but we stayed in touch and they managed a quick visit.

I said that and he was so upset because he really thinks he could he arrested...

@mdh2020

Your son needs to see a therapist. Maybe one who practises CBT.

I'm trying to find someone private. We have been on the waiting list for camhs for months and months and this is our 3rd referral. We got refused the first 2 times :-(

@CanIBeACurlyGirl

How old is your son?

Have you tried rational thinking techniques with him, time lapse sequences?

You could also use the old fashioned technique of speaking to your local station and seeing if a special or PC could pay a visit? We did this 5 years ago when we had different issues with DD, they could only give a vague time on the day but we stayed in touch and they managed a quick visit.

He's 14

Out of interest do the police as a whole recognise OCD in this way..I'm just asking as I know of someone who handed herself into a police station because of the thought that she may have done something in the past. She hadn't and they just let her go so I'm wondering if its something they're familiar with?

I honestly wouldn't tell him. The special and PC we're so much better at giving factual information than DD would ever accept from me. I can't say it was a nice experience to start with, and I was embarrassed that I had to ask for their help. Bit it's not about me and really helped DD work through that phase.

PP mentioned CBT. If you can get him to engage I do think it would really, really help in the long run. DD flat refused to speak to anyone professionally. I was desperate and so appreciative that the police station took me plea seriously.

@CanIBeACurlyGirl

I honestly wouldn't tell him. The special and PC we're so much better at giving factual information than DD would ever accept from me. I can't say it was a nice experience to start with, and I was embarrassed that I had to ask for their help. Bit it's not about me and really helped DD work through that phase.

PP mentioned CBT. If you can get him to engage I do think it would really, really help in the long run. DD flat refused to speak to anyone professionally. I was desperate and so appreciative that the police station took me plea seriously.

So was she worried about something that she may have done? Did they reassure her?

Reassurance is the worst thing you can give an OCD sufferer in the long term

@baldafrique

Reassurance is the worst thing you can give an OCD sufferer in the long term

Yes....its so hard not to though when your child us begging for reassurance :-( I was thinking if you all told him it's nothing to worry about then he may listen if I show him your replies. He can't see that he is thinking irrationally.

You have to see the long term picture tho OP

@baldafrique

You have to see the long term picture tho OP

What do you suggest instead of reassurance?

Explaining why it would be counter productive to give the reassurance and encouraging him to let the anxiety spike fade away without it. I know its really hard tho OP. But reassurance just feeds the beast. Is he in therapy?

Reassurance doesn't help in OCD. This theme is very common in OCD (look up POCD). He will need to get help to stop engaging with the thoughts at all. Try the books 'Breaking Free from OCD' or 'Touch and Go Joe' (though this guy had more the checking type) or 'When we were Bad'. OCD UK website. For you

• tell him you know reassurance won't help so you are going to phase out reassuring him (and stop accommodating the illness)
• ask him what distracts him the best and help him pursue interests
• avoidance / 'thought stopping' (trying not to think about it) actually backfires and increases intrusive thoughts so sufferers can be encouraged to use diffusion techniques and say or write the word or thought out loads of times when they think it which decreases its impact
• what he remembers about the cartoon will be getting distorted in his memory.

Has he had a virus recently? There's some emerging evidence that OCD can be linked to virus /antibiotics. You might want to consider probiotics or probiotics or gut healthy fermented foods. That probably sounds off the wall. He will be ok but you need to take the right stance, so read the books and get all the advice you can. He is ill and you can't rationalise him out of this. Good luck with it.

This was a really useful book.

@baldafrique

Explaining why it would be counter productive to give the reassurance and encouraging him to let the anxiety spike fade away without it. I know its really hard tho OP. But reassurance just feeds the beast. Is he in therapy?

We are on the waiting list for camhs...butwe can't wait any longer. I need to find someone private now.

Hi -
He has OCD which means he has a bully in his brain that gives him unwanted distressing intrusive thoughts about things he may have done wrong,
Bad things that might happen etc
He is clearly distressed at the idea that he may have seen an inappropriate image
The type of person the police are interested
In, are those that seek inappropriate pics, share them, enjoy them etc...
His distress shows that the OCD is giving him intrusive thoughts that the opposite to who he is a person, his values etc
And that’s how OCD works, it throws us the opposite of who we actually are -
Like intrusive thoughts about harming others, when we care and protect others etc...

He needs to understand that these thoughts that he has done something bad and he has no future are just thoughts
They feel so powerful and true because he has OCD
The more reassurance he seeks / gets the more it feeds the fear as the reassurance is so short lived,
I would give him lots of support, education that this is a classic OCD presentation, and it responds really well to the right treatment
Shocking that it is SO difficult to get into Cahms
If you can go private get a CBT therapist
Accredited with BABCP
That does ERP for OCD which is the gold standard treatment
Tell him to hang on in there, this WILL get better with treatment

Two things -

ERP therapy. It’s the gold standard for ocd
The happiness trap book

I promise both will help him.

Your poor son and sympathies to you OP.
OCD is such a shit, I hate it.

Your son really does need help and it's so good you are looking for a private therapist. Your son will need this as he will be prone to this for the rest of his life. A good therapist can take the power away from these thoughts and your son can have a future where he can almost laugh at the absurdity of them.

I found a fabulous book recently called Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Martin N. Seif and Sally M. Winston.

The book is invaluable. Written by experts in the field, they explain the thoughts, where they come from and how to calmly disarm them.

Also, very useful for your son would be the chapter where they talk about different thoughts and how they make you think you are bad. They go into detail and explain the difference between an OCD sufferer and someone who truly is 'bad'.

Lots of luck to you and your son.

The PC and special didn't reassure DD at all. The initial meeting was full on and DD had to comply with their authority. They then delivered facts, asked questions and gave more facts.

It's great to see you can look at private therapy, the above posters have given you really helpful advice about those so I’d seek them out for support and believe they will help.

Good luck, it's a hard road although very worth it flowers

Can anyone tell me how I cam go about finding an ERP specialist?

Mental health professional here. Look on psychology today and the counselling directory for a clinical psychologist who works with children and young people and who lists one of their interests/specialities as OCD. ERP is an intervention (exposure response prevention) which is part of a CBT approach for working with OCD but a psychologist will be able to use other approaches as well that fit for your son alongside these.

Most are working remotely at the moment so video appointments, so that will give you more choice area wise if your son is happy to work over video

So glad people on here are understanding of OCD and intrusive thoughts. Some threads on the subject go horribly wrong because some people just don't understand how it works.

I feel terribly for your son. My husband has OCD and did have some CBT. The best strategies he learned were:

• postponement: alloting a time to worry about something. E.g. Telling yourself "I will let myself think about this at 7pm." invariably, you forget about it by then but your brain is satisfied that it will be allowed to give it headspace later.
• accepting the thoughts for what they are: they can't hurt you, thoughts are just that and acknowledging their existence, accepting they're there and not trying to push them out can make them feel less scary. You have to learn to be uncomfortable with the thoughts in order to live with them.
• not seeking reassurance/being blunt and rational: I am often very blunt with my husband and would say things like "do you really think the police would waste their time coming after you for that? There's no evidence and it was ages ago, let it go." he has had to learn not to seek reassurance and I've had to learn not to give it. My favourite catchphrase is "if you're asking me if you're being silly then you already know you are."

Look up BABCP find a therapist for accredited CBT therapists who will use the right model. The waiting lists where I am are about three months for the go to children's therapists locally.