I don't know how else to title this but I have recently been diagnosed with a mental health condition with emotional abandonment/neglect at its core.
My parents were horrendous - one physically and emotionally abusive/neglectful the other emotionally abandoned me - well they both did really but my mother showed me no affection what so ever - it is true to say I have no good memories of being mothered.
Thanks to their reign of terror I have trust issues and have but one or two good friends. Recently, I thought I would find courage and try to widen my circle and I met another person with similar interests to me/shared things in common who I thought would make a good friend but it turns out that this person doesn't really need or want to make anymore friends/need more company. A month ago, I met another lady who again shared similar interests and I thought we were going to meet up again but it never happened (I tried to initiate contact but with no reply).
Yet another friend, has withdrawn their level of contact (I thought it might be linked to disclosing the state of my m/h but this person has m/h issues herself) even describing me as 'another daughter' which of course pressed all my buttons of wanting to be mothered. I began to feel safe and that I had found a dependable friend at last and now feeling confused and angry at lessened contact.
I've also realised I get hardly any emotional support from my husband (don't want to go into this here). I have dc and I am supported in other ways by him.
No family except one brother who is knee deep in his own issues (but won't admit to them) so no real contact there.
I'm waiting for therapy to begin soon but am I the only one who seems to be crap at forming relationships and/or fed up of being let down. I am probably expecting too much due to my abandonment issues and realise I can be overly critical at times. I feel very needy (see above) but try not to let this show. I've only just begun to try and widen my social network and it isn't going well (plus of course covid). And the lovely friend who was a mother type figure turns out to be not so lovely and dependable. Feel like retreating and not trying anymore.
I feel so incredibly lonely (just to be clear I am a good listener so no friendship one way). Going forward I do have lovely dds but they are young. Fortunate to have them when all my other relationships seem to be crap.
Anyone?