Fellow ocd sufferer here (although largely “cured” if that’s a thing!).
I had 6 months cbt. The best advice I can suggest for checking/rituals is to just not do them and live through the utter shit show of feelings. Work up to it if it helps, so wait 5 minutes from the urge to check, get used to the anxiety and then take longer and longer, until eventually you stop as you know you don’t need to do it. Or go cold turkey which weirdly was my preference.
I appreciate it is so easy for me to say, and hell to do. I worked on one ritual at a time until it was gone, and then moved to the next (with a lot of talking therapy and reassurance alongside it).
Rituals in many ways were easier for me to deal with, intrusive thoughts and the fear I’d hurt someone/upset them/offended them was much harder. Talking the worries through on a loop until I realised I am not bad helped alongside realising finally (and repeating to myself) that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings massively helped.
For intrusive thoughts, visualising them as my holding them as a hankie blowing in the wind, acknowledging them as weird then imagining letting go and they flutter off in the breeze away from me until they’re gone is how I cope with them now.
I honestly believed that if I said something bad without touching wood or my other rituals (saluting magpies etc), ie magical thinking. My therapist got me to say bad things and realise that i have no control over the universe. My saying for example ‘my house could be burgled’ and not saying touch wood does not mean that it will be robbed. Bad things happen, but I have zero control over most of it.
My therapist described ocd as like a motorway. My rituals and stuff were the motorway, and the ‘normal’ way was an overgrown dirt track road. The aim of the cbt was to get me to the point where my motorway was a life free of ocd, and the rituals etc were the dirt track. That really helped me to visualise it, and I think really helped me to suffer all the anxiety because I wanted the clear motorway and to live my life without ocd.
I told those closest to me that I had a massive problem, and could not cope with life. Looking back, I’d always had it but someone I adored died suddenly out of the blue, and I’d not been able to keep her safe. This was the catalyst that tipped me over the edge, as I felt like I had to say things and do things to keep people safe, but it escalated until it didn’t matter how much I did things, it didn’t make me feel better. I’m really lucky that I had so much support and was praised for the most minute progress - that really gave me such a boost that I was beating it so I’d definitely suggest praise for every tiny bit of progress, even if it’s just 5 seconds delay before fulfilling the urge and ritual.
I declined medication and put myself through utter hell without it. If that’s an option from the GP I’d really recommend it (finally gave in and had ads for pnd and anxiety, it was a game changers and can’t believe I didn’t take them for ocd).
Oooh, and anything that concentrates the mind to stop the whirring. I found adult colouring books so helpful, along with playing games on my phone. That and leisurely walks with the dogs, where I could talk to myself, cry if I needed to but tucker myself out as well.
I really do wish you all the very best for your DS, it must be awful watching your baby go through it 💐