To not want to continue anymore

[Inkdrinker]

Please don't be harsh in the comments, right now I'm feeling quite fragile.

I've been suffering with depression for a long time now. I've tried numerous meds, had DBT therapy (somewhat similar to Cbt). I go through cycles, sometimes I'm ok but then I get so low and then I'm ok again and repeat.

Right now, I'm low. Really low. I know dying isn't an option. I have 3 kids. I know realistically I don't want to die. I just don't want to feel. I don't want to have to wake up each morning. Life is excruciatingly mundane. I love my children but I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm sleeping all the time. I can barely bathe myself, let alone all the other things parenthood demands of me.

My partner is super supportive and he picks up the slack but this takes its toll on him and makes me feel awful.

How do I make myself better? I want to be better but I don't know how. I don't know what to do. Gps are useless, there is no more help. I want to be better. I do but I can't do this. What happens when I completely shut down? How can I stop this?

For me, I try to keep emotional detached from various aspects, I try to minimise my music listening as it can alter my.emotional frame of mind, or if I play songs just play a couple at a time. Take things one day at a time, that's how I rebuilt my perspectives. A mix really, all the best op.

I have nothing to add to help all I can say is your not alone in your feelings I know your pain, I walk in the same shoes. Sometimes it just seems like an endless cycle where everything is hard and the smallest thing will push you over the edge.

And yet we keep going because we know we have to for our kids. Sorry I can't help but just wanted to let you know your not alone

Can you keep trying different GPs and psychiatrists and get different medications until you find a medication that works?

Talk to yourself kindly .
You're not the only person that feels this way. It happens a lot and it's not your fault - you can get out of this you've shown this by having the strength to write this post .
Can you get up and just have a shower or a bath?
Can you get outside for a while - even if you don't want to it may help.
I promise you can feel better. I have been there and I'm not any longer. I had a course of antidepressants combined with some intense CBT based counselling.
Is there anything you like to do at all?
I echo the previous poster if your help from GP etc isn't working it's time to change - have you let them know how bad you are feeling or have you been ashamed to say ? If you havent told them you need to let them know.
Life can be very hard. It can also be wonderful.
Can you remember a time you were really happy? Even for a moment ? Think about that feeling you can get back there.
Please seek help and know you can feel better ❤️‍🩹

I hate being like this. I feel like I'm sucking the joy out of everyone around me. I tell myself that I can't help it, that I'm unwell but it doesn't help with the overwhelming guilt. I couldn't get up this morning, my partner had to take the kids to school. He's feeling really low too. The house is a mess and I know that's a minor inconvenience really but it's exhausting when you know you can't do it.

I feel like I need to go. I don't want to die. I want to be happy but I do not think it's a possibility. Its unfair to make people in my household unhappy, they say its not me but it is. I'm a terrible person. I have zero food here, so I'm going to have to use a food bank which I've never done before. I feel so lost.

I've tried different gp's but all they seem to offer is diazepam, no actual help and I dm think it's unfair for me to say they are rubbish because I think it's just they don't know how to help me and I can't give them that answer. My dad's in hospital, he nearly died, it took a massive toll on me as I found him in an awful condition. I rang the Dr's this morning but fell asleep and didn't hear them call back so I can't ring and ask for help now.

OP from what you are saying, not only are you facing depression at the moment but you are facing some
really difficult life circumstances. My heart goes out to you.

Can you please tell us a little bit more about what treatment you have had so far? It would be helpful to know why you received DBT specifically as well. Do you know how many years you’ve been facing depression on and off? What has been the most effective treatment you’ve had, if any?

I know that GPs can be quite useless on this sort of thing. It’s a huge failing of the system. However, there are treatments out there and ways to access them. Sometimes this involves demanding a specific referral for a specific therapy.

You are definitely not a terrible person. You sound like a very nice person who in the midst of all you are dealing with is most worried about how it is impacting others. You are just unwell at the moment, with added tough circumstances that are making things exceptionally tough.

Please talk to us a bit more if you can.

Do you have other friends and family who can help you with getting food in, cooking a meal, help with the children tonight. You are not a terrible person, you are unwell and have a difficult and upsetting time with your dad. You can still call a doctor on 111 or do you have a community nurse or crisis team you can speak to.

OP are you there ?
I read your most recent posts and I'm sorry you've got such a lot on.
If I was feeling like you are I'd call the Samaritans - you need someone to help you through this and a trained person to listen could really help.
I'm worried at how depressed you sound . I know it all must seem daunting just now.
You can do this I promise x