Four months after breakup - still thinking about it and feeling very down in myself

[Teatimes2]

I posted in Relationships when we broke up mid- February. Basically, my boyfriend told me he'd never been in love with me after 5 years together. Naturally, I was devastated and broken-hearted. After about 10 weeks, I started to get angry instead of crying, so I felt I was making progress. However, just the last week, here I am crying again. I'm so annoyed with myself as I feel I'm going backwards. I just feel so down and low. I'm thinking maybe I've low self esteem, even though I'm not really sure what this is. Is this still normal after 4 months or am I being ridiculous?

@Teatimes2 If I were to ask you: "What do you think about your boyfriend saying he wanted to break up with you" what is your answer?

@teatimes2 Healing from heartbreak is not linear, you will move backwards and forwards -the important thing is not to judge yourself for any feelings that come up.

I've been in a very similar position, more than once, I am the girl men cant seem to love. It hurts. It made me question my worth, and feel angry that I was allowed to believe a lie, and feel stupid that I did. It cemented a lot of negative feelings I already had about myself.

I felt a lot of contradictory things all at the same time for a long time after, because I tried to rationalise away my feelings. So dont be me. I recommend seeing a therapist because sometimes it helps to talk to someone neutral and supportive.

Yes, I have had 2 sessions with a counsellor and it's helping. This guy has emotional and commitment issues, I know all his other relationships ended in a similar way, but I stupidly thought I was different!

I know you feel 4 months is a long time, but it's not.
I was dumped many decades back after a 3 year relationship as he had commitment issues but kept insisting he loved me. It took me the best part of a year or more to get over it and during that time I was dating other men, albeit very casually (and I don't mean sex, just very low key dates.) None of them matched up to the one I'd lost.

The only advice is a cliche- time heals. I know you may not feel up to it, but the best thing you can do is to keep very busy, join new clubs or do sport, whatever you enjoy, and accept invitations to go out whether that's with friends or potential new men.

One day you will realise you've not thought about HIM for most of the day and it will get easier.

If you feel you have low self esteem, there are lots of books out there which can help you rebuild your self esteem, or see someone like a life coach with the kind of experience you need to help you take tiny steps to feeling more confident.