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Can’t cope with depressed DD aged 15

31 replies

Multitaskingmadly · 20/06/2021 23:38

I’m at my wits end parenting my DD who has pretty serious mental health issues. Tbh this is more of a rant than anything I expect a solution to, although if anyone has any positive experience and has been through this it would be nice to fear! My DD has displayed signs of severe anxiety since she was tiny but it really kicked off when she was 10 and refused to go to school. I won’t go into details about that time but after a year of trying literally everything we ended up on the advice of doctors at CAMSH putting her on meds. We had a couple of good years but then she slipped back down again and frankly has been sinking up and down again down the past 3 years. She’s now 15- the second lockdown tipped her into a deep depression. She has been self harming, and when she’s at home she just lies in bed with a grey face refusing to engage. She has stopped seeing her therapist, and her psychiatrist at Camsh has put her max does of fluoxetine but it seems to have made her worse. She is just about going to school (3 days a week) but sits out of most lessons. She hasn’t opened a school book at home in a year. I am trying SO HARD to get her to speak to me but she shuts me out and just says ‘go away, I don’t want to talk’ She won’t do any activities apart from scroll scroll scroll all the time on her phone. If I ever try and push back a bit and suggest she does some revision, or for example today I asked her to write a Father’s Day card and even gave one to her, and actually gave her a stern talk that after 6 hours and repeated asking she didn’t do it, she then goes even more grey and depressed and then I feel guilty and like a bad parent. It’s just SO HARD. All the joy has been sucked from this family. She is dragging us all down. My husband and I have just started therapy ourselves to try and keep it together. I’m so bloody worried about her- and also if I am totally honest I feel so resentful to her too as she’s so incredibly difficult to parent and it’s doing my head in as I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Themeparklover · 22/06/2021 01:08

I think feel grateful you have been offered medications and support etc, my parents one of whom is an SENDCO lead have been offered zero support for my younger sister, only recently medications not been taken seriously only recently CAHMS and school refuses to help, she hardly or never goes to school self harms threatens to kill family members has overdosed multiple times and runs away and CAHMS deemed it 'not enough for concern' , you wont get help from them I would start seeking private help and attempt to move her to alternate provisions.

ilovebagpuss · 22/06/2021 07:33

Some depressions don’t respond so well to fluoxetine as my DD has been diagnosed with a mood disorder and the low of that is not helped with her dose of fluoxetine. The OCD part of her struggle is helped which is good but not the depression and it can make it a bit worse depending what the underlying issue is.
We have a private Psychiatrist who has put DD on Lamotrigine for a mood stabiliser it’s worth looking up as it acts on the low part better than Prozac. We are only a week in but I just wanted to offer the info as it may be your DD needs a new face and review of her medication.
It’s so very hard and I know the private side is costly but might be worth starting afresh with someone. Sometimes you have to ask to try X medication outright.

Multitaskingmadly · 22/06/2021 08:31

@ilovebagpuss thanks for the info. The switching about if meds is so frightening! I might start a separate thread just about that...

OP posts:
Multitaskingmadly · 22/06/2021 08:34

@ATieLikeRichardGear this is my first time posting on here so I wasn't sure how you replied to somebody but now see how! I replied to your message above!

OP posts:
ATieLikeRichardGere · 22/06/2021 11:16

@Multitaskingmadly

You sound like a fantastic advocate for your DD. It’s great that you managed to get an ASD/ADHD assessment and I’m not encouraging you to distrust it. On the other hand I think you are right though that reassessment can be required. For example, ADHD is known to manifest later in girls, and for that reason they extended the diagnostic criteria to include symptoms beginning from up to the age of 12. Another thing is that it sounds like your DDs anxiety was exceptionally high at the time of assessment and this could mask the symptoms of another issue, as any symptoms such as inattention or lack of eye contact could be fairly attributed to anxiety. Doctors are often following the “horses not zebras” paradigm of sticking to the simple explanation, which makes a lot of sense in general and is totally reasonable, but occasionally you do get zebras!

Just because you mentioned it, locking into a task that you are deeply interested in is known as “hyperfocus” and is widely recognised as a classic feature of ADHD, though not part of the official diagnostic criteria, as I think another poster alluded to. Just worth noting that ADHD often looks quite different in girls to boys - typically more daydreaming and less bouncing off walls. For ADHD and ASD, we know that girls do an incredible job at “masking” their difficulties, often without quite knowing that they are doing it. They may be working extremely hard at following the expected social cues and expressions with ASD for example, without necessarily realising that everyone isn’t working overtime on this. No wonder these girls burn out! The fact that you feel you may be on the spectrum is significant!!

I too had early onset OCD so I’ve got a lot of thoughts about this, forgive me! Feel free to take them or leave them!

Some other points:
-OCD I think is sometimes treated a bit like it’s just a flavour of anxiety, but when it comes to paediatric onset OCD it has potentially a lot in common with issues like ASD and ADHD, often accompanied by the same sort of side features like sensory issues, auditory processing issues, executive dysfunction and more. I think successful treatment sometimes needs to do better at taking this neurodiverse aspect into account. Early onset OCD is clearly associated with slower brain maturation - but we do get there!
-there is a decades long dispute about whether it is possible or common to have both OCD and ADHD, or whether they just mimic one another. No one really knows for sure yet. Whether you could get a dual diagnosis may well depend on the viewpoint of the particular psychiatrist you get.
-some medications have crossover in treating depression, ADHD and OCD like imipramine. Others may treat 2 of the 3. This might be something a doctor would consider in prescribing and may be worth discussing.
-in all of these conditions, there isn’t a clear and definitive delineation between having the condition and not having it. You could have several of the traits but maybe not quite reach the full threshold yet having those traits will still affect you.
-whether you have an official diagnosis of one of these conditions, you could still consider trying to implement the non-medication treatment strategies around them to see if this helps. Strategies around routines, sensory inputs, accommodating special interests, CBT approaches to ADHD-type challenges with executive function…any of these could make a small difference. Hopefully the new psychologist will be able to look at this angle but you may need to explicitly ask.

I hope soon you are all in a better place. It’s exciting to hear that your daughter is such a talented artist!

LemonSwan · 22/06/2021 11:30

We have a cousin who has sadly been in a very bad way for numerous years (literally will not move off the sofa or make her own meals/ drinks). Luckily a friend works with leading doctors in psychiatry and we asked his opinion and he said look into Ketamine treatment.

Apparently it was recently licensed and really only available private - but according to him and those he works with it is the future for treatment resistant depression.

We are trying to find the moment to bring it up without it seeming intrusive but we are really concerned about her and having tried what seems like everything we are hoping it may make a difference.

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