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Think I've had enough now

16 replies

wiggleshasmylife · 20/06/2021 07:24

This is probably going to be a ramble

I have a 10 month old daughter. Shes amazing. Im not coping since going back to work.
I've been under the mental health team since she was born. Medication been upped and upped.
I'm burning out. My anxiety is out of control. I have to work the insane hours I do. I work from 3am till noon or 1pm. Then I take the baby and my husband works nights. Covid screwed our savings over. We aren't entitled to anything..no family in the area to watch her. Price of childcare made me wince.

I have such bad anxiety thoughts. I dont want to be in work. When I'm in work I want to be home. When I'm home I feel trapped and restless. Pacing the room.

My child doesn't sleep. I posted a thread prior before this. Tried leaving her to cry in the cot. 3 hours it lasted. I broke and got her out purely for her sake and my head felt like it was going to explode.

I feel zoned out. I'm at work and I feel constantly dizzy and light headed. Feel like Im not really there. I've been diagnosed with low iron and been taking the tablets but not sure if it's making a difference. Cannot get a gp appointment at all. Mentioned it to the therapist I speak to who has insisted I speak to the gp. Getting an appointment pre covid was miraculous, now I have no chance

Feel like curling up and giving up. Honestly had enough..if it wasn't for my little one I wouldn't crawl out of bed. I spend my entire lunch breaks at work crying where nobody can see.

I dont even know why I'm typing this. It helped getting it down..if anyone has any suggestions or even a comment to know im not alone I'd appreciate it

Thanks guys

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 20/06/2021 07:30

Take you iron with vitamin C, like orange juice.
When you phone the GP you have to be phoning as soon a they open. Call, and call, and call again until you get through. Tell the receptionist that your therapist insists you are seen. Is there any way she can call them for you ?
Get on to your Health Visistor and tell them what is happening.
You need to push and push, but I know it takes the energy you don’t feel you have.
How far away is your family ? Could you go there for a break ?
Do you have friends ?

wiggleshasmylife · 20/06/2021 07:36

@Dinosaurdiana I'll take it with the orange juice..I do drink a lot.of it to be fair.
I've got a day off on Wednesday so I'll have to try then.
Therapist and the doctor from the mental health team have wrote to my practice. But there generic response is we are very busy with covid. That's all I get.
Haven't even seen or heard from a health visitor..someone saw my daughter when she was 5 days old. I dont even know if I have one
Family lives in Wales. I'm in England. Don't even know if we could travel cos of covid
Pathetic as it.is I have no friends. I have my husband.

OP posts:
Wanttocry · 20/06/2021 07:42

Ok, I know this won’t solve any long term problems and I know not everyone has this available to them, but do you have family further away that could help? Is taking a week of annual leave and going to your mum’s with your baby a possibility for example? Some time off work and someone to help with night wakings, as well as being completely free at 8am to ring the GP repeatedly.

Wanttocry · 20/06/2021 07:47

Family lives in Wales. I'm in England. Don't even know if we could travel cos of covid

Yes, this would be fine and within the rules as far as I’m aware.

Snorkello · 20/06/2021 07:50

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s sounds really tough right now Flowers

I’d say take it one day at a time. Small steps. Please know it’s just a phase, this is the tough black hole of parenting where you feel sucked in and unable to get out. I’ve been there. I think most of us have in one way or another. But you will be okay. You’re not alone.

Lack of sleep is a terrible thing, so try to do a few things to help that could work with your hours. What time does you OH get back? Can he take the baby from then so you can have an early night? Warm drinks, hot baths, lavender oils can all help. Getting some exercise helps too. It’s daunting, but if you can take baby out for a walk every day it will help.

If you’re getting intrusive thoughts, remind yourself it’s just your anxiety. If you’re really struggling, call Samaritans. It’s always good to talk. Try anything to keep your mind occupied like reading, painting, or play some music. It’s amazing how much being creative can help.

Your baby loves and needs you right now. If crying it out isn’t working, that’s fine. Instead, cuddles, walks, put her in a sling and do things. Dance and talk to her. Tell her how much you love her. Listen to those cries and tell her you understand. I promise, it really helps to calm you both. If it’s too much, put her down safely in a crib and take five. Make a cup of tea. Go back and have some more cuddles.

If she’s crying for no reason, it could be teething or something else. Get her checked out, and take the opportunity to get yourself sign posted by the doctors.

Re childcare, can you get her in nursery just once or twice a week? Anything to give you a break and to give her some stimulation will help.

You can do this! It will be okay and you will look back in a few months and wonder why it was so tough. Keep posting, talk to people IRL. Tell your OH too. When you can, try and spend some time with each other just to reconnect and share your thoughts, get that support you need from each other emotionally.

It’s going to be okay x

wiggleshasmylife · 20/06/2021 15:53

I've finished work..just reading the messages
Childcare costs are a no go. The cheapest is 45 pound a day for a childminder. I only earn maybe 85 pound a day. It's just not feasible. Covid screwed us over. Sorry to say it but we budgeted and budgeted for a baby and saved and then 17 weeks pregnant global pandemic.
Bye savings
I've been trying the sling. She isn't too keen. But I'll keep persevering

I'm just so so tired. I'm emotionally exhausted. Plus I'm not even eating properly. I dont have the Time and irs not an excuse. By the time I've fed my little one and done anything that needs doing I just dont want to eat.

I'll ring the gp Wednesday morning.

It's hard to see the positives right now. I dont have suicidal thoughts as such but I do have it would be easier if I wasn't here thoughts

OP posts:
Lostandtired1 · 20/06/2021 15:59

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It's sounds like you just have too much on your plateSad

I know this might not help but is there anyway you could change hours at work? Or could you look into maybe having a break from work and looking into what financial support you could get? Do you get paid for being off sick? If you persevere with an appointment with your GP they might be able to sign you off with stress for a couple months while you recoup. Big hugs Daffodil

wiggleshasmylife · 22/06/2021 19:40

Writing down things again

Tonight has been awful. She won't sleep. She won't settle. I can feel my temper rising because I'm anxious and tired. I've had to walk away from her twice so I can go upstairs and scream into a cushion and sob. I've got to be up in 6 hours for work. I've had nothing to eat. I cant put her down or she screams. The sling I've got she doesn't fit into it or I'm too stupid to figure it out. Shes really pushing me at the moment. I just wish I wasn't here anymore.

OP posts:
wiggleshasmylife · 22/06/2021 19:43

No I don't get anything but ssp if I'm off sick. And the hours we do are so someone is always home with the baby. He works nights and I work mornings. I wish I could lower my hours but it's not feasible. I need to pay the bills. I hate how much covid screwed this over. I know other people have it worse but I still hate it. Finished work at 1..spent most of it letting her watch TV. I am a bad mum. I cant even entertain my child. And what kind of mum gets annoyed at a baby? I've just cried all day.

OP posts:
greenlynx · 22/06/2021 22:31

You are not annoyed as such you are just tired, don’t blame yourself.
My daughter was a bad sleeper and cried a lot. I’ve started put her in bed with me and it helped, so maybe this as a temporary measure to get some sleep for both of you.
Could you send an email to your Gp practice complaining that you and your therapist have heard nothing from them?
Also could you google health visiting team to phone them and ask for a visit?

Snorkello · 23/06/2021 06:03

Here for you. You are not a bad mum. Please know this is normal and you will start to feel better. A lot is down to sleep deprivation too.

Can you try giving yourself a small goal today, like maybe eat some breakfast. Ask your partner to make the food up for both of you this week. Put him in charge and get that off your to do list.

Play some music too. Babies love that and you could try and have a dance with her. I did that a lot when I was feeling down.

Remember she needs you. She loves you. Try not to let those thoughts overwhelm you today.

Tomorrow maybe look at the calm apps. I can’t do meditation, but lots of people say they’re great.

Have you told your partner how you’re feeling? Is there anyone else IRL you can talk to?

Sending hugs

ShesComeUndone · 23/06/2021 06:09

Do you have homestart in your area? They are a charity that help families with young children. You can get a volunteer who will sit and play with the baby while you do house work or have a sleep.

www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/things-we-can-help-with

wiggleshasmylife · 25/06/2021 19:21

OK I dont know if anyone is still watching this thread but my daughter has finally accepted the cot is for bedtime. Is it wrong to leave her to cry for a little till she finally drops off? Feel like tje worlds worst mum

OP posts:
Snorkello · 26/06/2021 05:44

No judgement here! Right now, do what you need to do and what works for you and baby.

It’s about trying different techniques to see what works. Check out some of the online tips for self soothing.

Only recommendation is not too leave her cry too long. It will only upset you both. Maybe someone will come along with some tips, as I didn’t have any success with it and ended up co-sleeping.

How are you feeling otherwise?

Authenticcelestialmusic · 26/06/2021 06:28

For the low iron I found spatone in orange juice got my levels up very quickly. I took 2 x a day at one point. Do you both work at the weekend?

PurpleSapphire · 26/06/2021 07:34

You are not a bad mum! You're tired, not eating and stressed. My dd was a nightmare, cried non stop. Do try to eat something even if it's just a belvita type breakfast thing and micromeal at night, it's only temporary, it doesn't matter. Dd is now a very well balanced and (generally) happy young lady if that helps, she doesn't think i'm a rubbish parent and neither will your child Flowers

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