Childhood trauma and issues in my life now

[lostandbroken21]

Hi, my dad committed suicide when I was 8, I'm now 34 never really had any help getting over my dad.
I'm a very clingy needy person. I'm currently in an awful situation that I'm so in love with a guy who isn't good for me but can't bare the pain of losing him. My self esteem is at rock bottom.
I've been having some counselling and I'm due to have EDMR therapy. My therapist thinks my issues I have now are unresolved from never properly dealing with my dad.

My dad has schizophrenia he hung him self. The morning he did it he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I was 8 said I wanted to watch cartoons with my sister. He stood there for a bit then went in the garage and hung him self. I have two lasting memories him standing there for a bit looking at us. Then hearing my man screaming her head off.

That night we stayed at my neighbours house then my uncle and aunt came to pick us up. I didn't see my mam that week I had to stay with my auntie then the following week I started school. I look back and that is dreadful and had no time for grief.

I just wanted to know if any one has things in there past that inpacts there life in adulthood.
If so is it possible to move on and improve my self worth

@lostandbroken21 that's a lot to go through 😔💐

In answer to your question, yes I had issues in my childhood which have effected me. I've done quite a bit of searching for the answers and for me personally the most helpful things have been eating more healthily to reduce my anxiety symptoms and just learning how to have compassion for myself in difficult moments.

It sounds like the issues you are having are totally understandable given your experiences so just be really gentle with yourself and take it step by step. It takes a bit of time from acknowledging that your past has effected to you to feeling like you've moved forward but it is possible.

You were a very young child to experience such a shocking loss. It's astonishing you didn't have counselling then or through your teens - but it's not too late to start. I'd think it's essential. You're now an adult & you have to get yourself the help you need, you owe it to yourself.
I had a traumatic childhood, in different circumstances- counselling in adulthood has helped. You have to find the right support for you, but the important thing is to start somewhere.

It is confronting to dredge up the past and old feelings, but you carry this around with you all the time whether you acknowledge and examine it or not.
I hope you find a way past your pain.