I've been struggling with pretty severe anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts for just over a year. I referred myself to my local MH service and feel that talking therapy is what I need and what would be most beneficial to me. My depression is largely situational (job losses due to the pandemic, social isolation, depression surrounding a relationship.) Many moons ago I was offered free talking therapy by an aquintance who was training and found it utterly transformative and it helped me overcome a serious barrier I had at the time.
I've recently secured a great job after being unemployed for a few months, but I'm worried I'm going to mess up the opportunity due to the state of my MH. My mum went to Mind several years ago and it was free, but where I am it's £50 a session.
I've asked for help from my local MH service, but they keep referring me to group online CBT and low mood courses. Whilst I appreciate the merits of CBT and have read books on it which have helped me identify certain thought patterns, but they've only helped me marginally. I seem to be getting worse and worse everyday at the moment, with bouts of constant sobbing, suicidal thoughts and general feelings of hopelessness. I've also cut down on alcohol recently, which I thought would help, but I'm actually worse and feeling even more pain and stress.
I don't feel that what they're offering me is enough to address the severity of my illness. I'm on UC at the moment, so cannot afford £50 a week as I only have about £200 a month to live on. I'll have much more money once I start the job, but my fear is not being able to maintain the job given how I'm feeling and £200 a month is a huge amount even if employed.