Here we go again - crisis

[youngandbroken]

I'm back in crisis and I have nobody to turn to. I can't ring the crisis team again because they don't do anything anyway and last time they told me they would have to ring social services (then rang back to tell me that they didn't need to ring them after all because there are no concerns and I'd already been referred to a home help service) but the damage was done and I now don't feel able to ring them. I've been referred to service after service who either never get in touch at all or tell me they can't help me and that they would refer me elsewher, who then either don't get in touch or refer me back to the place who referred me to them. This has been going on for 2 years now and I'm still no closer to getting any help. I attempted suicide in February and haven't heard anything since then either, apparently I am under the community mental health service but I've never had so much as a phone call from them. I don't know what to do. My partner expects me to ring the council to see where we are on our housing application because we haven't heard from them either - frankly I think it's just me at this point I think if my partner was applying without me or with someone else he would have heard back I just seem to get forgotten about by everyone. (mental health services, the council, my family, my GP....everyone). I don't feel able to ring anyone, I just about managed to get my eldest to school today. I can get through the care tasks for my children but I can't do the housework, I can't do anything for myself, I was at work yesterday for 1 hour (sent home because it was so dead) and just felt fuzzy and not with it the whole time I was there and it's going to busy next time I'm in (Sunday) and I don't think I'll cope I'll just be more of a hindrance than help.

I feel like everything is falling apart, my relationship is rubbish, my parenting is rubbish - my 5 year old doesn't listen to a word I say and her behaviour is awful then I feel guilty all day for telling her off because it's constant and I have no idea how to wean my 2 year old off the breast (my partner keeps asking when), I'm in constant pain and tired all the time and I've been waiting over a month for a blood test to try and figure out what's wrong and I feel completley useless, I want to study and have a decent career but I can't even cope with waitressing part time at the minute let alone figuring put what to study, applying for loans and actually having the motivation to study. I feel like my entire personality used to be based around being intelligent and I don't even have that anymore. My partner keeps telling me I'm the only one who can change myself and make myself better but I don't know how. I have suffered with depression for over a decade now (since very early childhood) and was diagnosed with a personality disorder 4 years ago and just feel like I'm a burden to everyone I love.

I really feel for you, op.

Im sure you'll get lots of advice here for weaning your child off breast, and once you've done that it will help. Then focus on every little thing you achieve, it will take time but you will start to feel better and build up strength again.

How much does your partner help with the children? It sounds like you're doing absolutely everything yourself and that would drive anyone to the edge.

Can your gp sign you off for a few weeks so that you can work with them to get to the bottom of your exhaustion and hopefully stabilise your mood? That alone will make a difference.

We are all here to help you come up with a workable plan.

Don't beat yourself up if you have a day (or days) where the only thing you manage to do is survive. There are times when just surviving takes an enormous effort. Focus on getting through hour by hour if you need to.

Do you have a close family member or friend who can get in touch with the gp on your behalf? They can make a fuss and push for an appointment if you don't have it in you to do so at the moment.

Can you tell us about your pain?

You are not useless, op, you clearly have a lot on your plate and the fact that you feel broken physically and mentally is merely indicative of how much you have been and continue to do with no support.

You'll get there.

My partner works alot so he isn't here very much and when he is he does try to do things with the children but loses patience with them alot if they are crying or not listening, he does some housework but says I need to tell him what to do, remind him etc. So it is just easier to do it myself sometimes. He can't cook and doesn't like the feeling of his hands being damp so certain jobs fall to me to do or finish anyway.

I've only just started at a new job so I'm not sure if I can be signed off, or if I can afford it - my partner pays for the majority of the bills but I still pay for the gas and electric and most of what the children need. My sister might be able to ring the GP on my behalf.

The pain is mostly in my hands, chest and legs, my hands get very swollen and hot and there are lumps on my fingers, my chest often feels tight and sore and my legs just get stiff and hurt to walk at times. I have a blood test booked for the end of the month to check for rheaumatoid arthritis. I also have IBS symptoms though and generally feel run down. It does ease up sometimes but never for very long.