So on my 3rd breakdown in 2019 my doctor put me on sertraline 150mg and looking back over the past couple of years I just can’t believe how much things have changed in such a short space of time. I guess I’m wondering if anyone’s had any similar experiences.
First off I just want to say that I have diagnosed long standing anxiety and depression which my docs feel are genetic, runs in family and have advised that I will probably always need to be medicated.
Sertraline has enabled me to regain some confidence and get back on track in that I’m holding down a job for the first time in years and I’m more well than I was in that I’m not waking up every day crying and feeling like I want to end my life. That being said I still have down days and horrible thoughts so it’s by no means a happy pill.
Now for the negatives… I’ve gained 3.5 stone which was one of my biggest concerns having gained weight on meds before. It’s really impacted on my self esteem and confidence. I just don’t seem to care about the consequences of what I’m eating and overeating. It just kind of makes you feel like nothing matters which I guess is ok for anxiety but not much else. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been and my motivation levels to change things are so low.
And now for the big one…. Last year I got sucked in by a man and ended up having an affair which I’m not proud of at all. It was pretty out of character for me to actually do that and it’s not something I’ve ever done before. Again, at the time, I just didn’t really care about the consequences. I admit I wasn’t 100% happy in my marriage and our sex life had totally dried up but I can’t help but wonder if I would have done that if I wasn’t on meds?? So now a year on my husband and I are divorcing and I need to sell my home. All very stressful and sad. He is a good man and I left him for someone completely unreliable and well to be frank, a total tool. I still can’t believe I done it. Anyway I’m hoping deep down that everything happens for a reason and if I had been happy in my marriage then I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at anyone else.
So now I’ve wound up single and alone. I’ve lost a lot of friends and had fall outs with family members which is to be expected after a 10 year marriage. I can honestly say it’s felt like I’ve hit rock bottom. I was the one who had the affair so I’ve naturally been outcast by people. The sad thing is my husband paid me no attention and it just felt it didn’t matter if I was here or not but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. In everyone else’s opinion we had the perfect life so no one could get their head around why I did it.
Anyway… in the 2 years I’ve been on Sertraline all of this has happened and I feel like it’s effected my personality and judgement. I don’t know how to pick myself up again. I’m hoping I’ll look back on all this and see that everything happened for a reason and I hope I eventually find myself in a happier place. I genuinely feel that Sertraline has made me wreck less and I’m interested to know if anyone has had similar experiences as me.