Obsessions

[FromDespairToHere]

Hope this is the right place to post this. I have ASD and I get fairly short-lived special interests, for eg a few months ago it was the challenger space shuttle.

My problem is I also get fixated on people - generally famous people. Often it's someone from a band I've recently watched - I find out absolutely everything about them and fantasise about them. It normally lasts a couple of weeks or so.

I booked tickets last week for a concert in December. It's a band that have been going over 40 years and I've got myself obsessed with the bass player. I'm trying to tell myself that this feeling will pass but I'm actually almost dreading the concert because I know it'll be reignited.

I suppose it's good that I'm aware of myself but is there any way I can stop being like this? I'm not sleeping properly because I'm staying up finding clips of him on youtube, and there are a lot.

What can I do to stop myself pining like this? I'm 45 years old, it's ridiculous.

Bumping in the hope that someone can understand and give me advice. I want to stop but it's like a compulsion. I'm constantly thinking about him. I know it will only last another week or so but right now it's taking over my life and I know I'll get it again when I watch the band. I can't tell anyone irl because they'll think I'm mad, which maybe I am.

Look into cbt techniques.
One think that helped me with my obsession (with my health) was to set aside 10 minutes a day to think about my obsession. During this time I could think about it all I wanted but the rest of the time I got on with life.
Maybe you could give this a try?
Over time the alloted 10mins reduces etc.
I think you need to seek out other cbt techniques to compliment this exercise and professional input.
Good luck

If it only lasts a couple of weeks (ha! lightweight! I wasted three years fantasising about David Tennant...) can you bear to cancel the booking? Would coming back to cancel it in August, say, set you off again?

I've found that the only way to stop staying up till 2am - for whatever reason - is to imagine the people I live with getting arsey about it (I used to regress horribly when H went away for work). The obvious answer is SELF-DISCIPLINE but funnily enough obsessing over self-discipline never lasts very long

Thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone. This is a band I've loved since I was a kid and have wanted to watch forever. If I cancelled I'd have to explain why to DP. I love their music, I just want to enjoy it without being obsessed with their bass player who I didn't even know existed until last week. Now I know every single thing about him.

I've watched 2 documentaries about them this week and am finding every single video of them I can on yt. There were a lot, the band is Madness. I'll try to limit myself to one or two videos a night.

I tried CBT years ago for depression and it didn't do much for me but it might be time to give it another go.

I can relate to this OP. I used to get this but with random people that would flitter on the edges of my life. Like the Uni tech guy, a friends flatmate who i rarely saw. The weirdest one was a guy i used to walk past in the morning on my way to work. I would form a strong picture around them about who they were, what they were like. It was all fantasy based on a few, very small pieces of information.

I realised it was really damaging and it was mostly based around my super-low self asteem. You'll get past this, try not to fight it too hard as that might not help either, but be aware that it's not that healthy. Sending virtual hugs. x

It's not so uncommon in my opinion.
Could you just embrace and value this part of yourself?. Obviously the not sleeping isn't great, so you need to try to control that. Could you limit yourself to 1 hour of googling per evening or something? Or is it just too irresistible?
What does it give you when you are into someone like this. Does it give you a feeling of connection to that person? Or to other super fans? Maybe it's the connection or belonging that is valuable to you?
Perhaps you could find a way to get this feeling in a way that is more productive or acceptable to you.

I don't get anything out of it apart from a great sense of loss for someone who wasn't mine in the first place! When my interest is something like the challenger shuttle I can find out all about it, immerse myself in it etc. When it's a person I do all that then get upset that I'm not a part of their life. I fantasise about meeting them and having a relationship with them. But it's all-consuming and it's exhausting.

I know it's ridiculous. I'm 45 and have an adult child and I'm mooning about a pop star from when I was a child. It's pathetic.

It's not ridiculous. Don't beat yourself up - self loathing won't be helping.

A therapist once said to me, about my brain - it's just a machine that you need to understand how it works and then you'll be able to control it.

So you've identified something that your brain does, the consequences of which you don't like. You've identified the causes and how to avoid them. You've done all the hard work!

It's rather like someone quitting an addiction - you get a craving, you know if you give in to it, you'll suffer, so you don't. If you know that going to a certain place will trigger that craving, you don't go and save yourself the mental fight later.

Nothing silly about any of this!

So I decided to give myself just 10 minutes googling him today but I came across a video of him on a kids TV show in the 80s and he was letting a little boy play his bass so I fell for him a bit more. Bit I did only watch clips for about 20 mins in total so will try to reduce that tomorrow.

OP, try to set the time for, say, 6pm.
Do the same time each day.