Hi, I am hoping that I can get some advice on what to do about the current state of my mental health problems. I have had depression for as long as I can remember, and after a breakdown several years ago, I have been on medication for it. In the past I have been to many different counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc. Personally I never found them particularly helpful for the non-specific MH issues, although for some childhood trauma problems, they did help a lot.
Anyway, I recently have noticed I'm on a "spiral" and things are getting bad again. It has coincided with me volunteering to move offices, a move that for various reasons isn't working for me so I have asked to transfer back and the management are looking into that for me. They are very supportive so that's good. At my old office, I had some very good friends and support, something that I didn't realise was so important until I lost it. I can still speak to those people by text, teams, whatever (I hate phone calls so don't do that) but I underestimated how important the face to face support was when I'm spiralling.
I have self harmed a couple of times in the last week or so, not something I want to be back in the habit of doing but I'm not too bothered about it really as, in the absence of better ideas, it helps me cope.
I wake up in a good mood, but the minute I get to work my mood switches and every little thing that normally would just be a minor irritation winds me up. Today I was at my desk and realised I was about to cry so went to the toilet and full on ugly cried (annoyingly there are no mirrors so I couldn't check my makeup afterwards. Bloody male design team!) I have no idea what I was crying about, what 'triggered' me, but I went back to my desk, started crying again when one of our guards spoke to me (I think I shocked her, I am not a crying person) so I asked my manager if we could go to a room to talk. My manager is awesome, and one of the reasons I volunteered to move offices, so he sat with me while I cried again and got angry at myself for crying for no reason. He didn't try to fix anything, just asked me what I want to do and if he can do anything to support/help me. I asked to go home for the day, and said I'd call the doctor.
My doctor, also a great support thankfully, has increased my meds, and signed me off for a month. I'm not sure if I will use this as I feel like I'm letting people down.
And finally to the point. I don't know what I can do to help myself. I've done CBT before, I can see it was helpful for my specific issues, but coping mechanisms if I don't know what's upsetting me doesn't seem helpful. I know how to manage my intrusive thoughts and the self harm, but what will help with the random floods of tears or general feeling of wanting to flip a switch so that I'm not here anymore.
Please, any suggestions will be welcomed. I want to be able to say to my manager that I'm trying to do xyz to help, not just relying on the medication, I think because I feel like a fraud if I am not doing something proactive. He has never made me feel like that, it's probably part of the crazy (as I refer to it).
TL:DR The depression is bad ATM, but non specific. How can I help myself deal with it?