Need some virtual company

[flipperdoda]

I don't know if I need to add triggers here: depression & self harm

Suffering with diagnosed depression for the last 6-8 months, first time in my life. Doing all the 'right stuff' i.e. exercise, good sleep routine, mostly good food, therapist, speaking to friends, etc etc.

Today I just feel totally empty and hopeless. I know this passes. I know it's partially because I had a really sociable week and I'm now emotionally exhausted plus feel lonely as people are gone (I live alone). But I've spend 6 hours resisting the urge to self-harm and on/off being on the verge of tears and I just really need some company if anyone is around.

I honestly just really want a cuddle, but local friends aren't that close/have kids so it would be difficult to ask them/aren't suitable to ask. I feel lonely and I'm dreading work because I haven't been able to focus and I get headaches from the screen.

Argh!

Also...if you hadn't guessed from the last paragraph and work mentions...I overthink

@flipperdoda thats good you have identified some triggers and also things that help. Things that help me sometimes are watching heart warming videos on You Tube, also positive visualisation when I remember to do it. With work, just having three things on my to do list.

I'm feeling very under the weather, on my period, work was horrible last week, I've got a couple of huge projects due. My head is a massive fuzz ball. Then I get stressed thinking about how to get through it.

I'm sorry you're feeling unwell and other things are conspiring against you too! Periods always make things worse for me.

I have found triggers and things that help, but it feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth that one of the main triggers (feeling lonely) is directly linked to the ending of one of the helpful things (seeing friends and family). I've sort of done all the helpful things today and still feel like this! It just doesn't feel very fair (letting myself wallow a bit with that phrase).

I've had a shower and am now sat in bed. Trying not to think about work because all I'll think right now is I can't face it. Not ready to sleep though

Sending a big cuddle and some deep breathing

Glad you have had some lovely times this week, but it's true (& completely ok) that even the good stuff can be exhausting

You've done great recognising your trigger issues and hope you are able to get a restful night

116123

This is the Samaritans number - do give them a ring. They were so helpful to me. They exist for just this situation.
I know how hard it is when you live alone and feel at rock bottom - you need someone to talk to. Do please give them a ring.

Thanks to both of you. I did manage to get a decent night of sleep which is why I didn't respond to the messages. I've not called Samaritans before but I have called a helpline which did help but it was very focussed on things I could do to feel better. I know it sounds silly but sometimes I just feel like I need to not be alone, I do so much to feel better on a daily basis that when I get to the point of calling a helpline it's not that sort of advice I need. Maybe Samaritans would be different. I did try to call two friends yesterday just to chat but neither picked up.

I really appreciate the virtual support. Sleep has helped and the Calm Harm app has been useful this morning. Still feel like I can't face the world but a little stronger than last night at least.

It gets better (repeating this to myself!)

Sat at my desk on a work call half in tears. I hate feeling like this so much

Thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling better today.