I'm done

[DecorChange]

Dd is 11 and has adhd. Tonight she's bit her brother enough to cause bruising. I'm done with her hitting me, biting me smashing my things pouring my make up around the bathroom. Feel like I'm soo very close to giving up I don't know what else to do.
I live with a bully. I'm sick of it all. For 11 years I've been a punching bag. I miss my wee girl.

Not to drip feed. She's under pediatrician care on tablets. Seeing mental health. We can't up her dose as she's underweight.

That sounds overwhelming. I understand - my 16 year olds dd has ADHD. It just feels relentless.

Could your daughter be tried on a non- stimulant medication if you can't increase the dose of her current medication?

Is she back at school on Monday?

With regard to you being married to a bully, you can choose not to be.

Your daughter needs you. He doesn't.

I'm really sorry - I've just re-read your message and realised that I mis-read the bullying bit.

Do you have a social worker? If she’s now physically harming her brother you need more help than you are getting.

I think that's the next step in medication. But the stuff she has works but wears off around 1pm which school are struggling with. I had to pick her up last week as they couldn't control her. How can I protect her brothers?

I've tried social and they don't want to know. Sadly it's more a get on with it yourself thing

You could speak to the paediatrician about her taking a top-up of her meds at lunchtime. Lots of children do that.

It might mean that she's made the transition to home and had time to chill out and de-stress before the second dose wears off.

They are really not wanting her on more meds as she's under weight due to the meds we had to change to these ones as she's dropped centiles she's now nearing the 2nd. Talk about getting bloods and testing to see if it might be something else. Even on build up shakes shes not putting weight on

Sorry that didn't make much sense now. She's still in a meltdown atm.

Firstly, hugs, it is really hard.

Push to try the non-stimulant medication, atomoxetine. It take 2 weeks to build up but then provides a steady dose, so there is no bounce back when the meds wear off.

How is she when she is on her medication?

Shes perfect on it if a bit subdued. Mabye if I can get the non stimulant stuff she can build it before starting high school after the summer. We've another appointment in July. I've tried fidget toys weighted blankets. Body compress things. Breathing exercises. Books you name it I've tried it. She dosent sleep either which won't be helping but melatonin is crap.

I realise it’s likely you have already tried these things but

Maybe a bigger breakfast, I read there’s no reason breakfast can’t be pizza or whatever they like as they are likely to struggle to eat all day.

A bit of physical play / exercise at the park before going home to relieve the stress of the day at school

Flavoured milkshakes and cookies as treats.

I know it’s really hard and I’m still looking for an answer , pancakes go down well for breakfast here as does bacon sandwiches.
I wish you all the best.

I agree about pizza for breakfast etc.

My daughter will often have pasta with Parmesan for her breakfast.

I always try and get some protein in to her in the morning.

Anything she eats at school is a bonus.

Then, she eats at 6 when she gets in from school, snacks all evening, and then eats another full meal at 10, before she goes to bed.

She lost 10lbs when she first started in medication, but eating in this way has meant that she put 5lbs back on and has kept it on.

Yes to exercise and yes to she can eat whatever for breakfast she dosent want breakfast most days bar a single slice of toast. Then nothing until lunch which will be half a sandwich or cous cous. Then dinner I fortify her meals for example powered milk in milk or cream. But she's a picky eater. Thank you all for the ideas and nice comments. She's now finally asleep untill about 4 then she will go to sleep again around 5.30

How about some practical things like putting a lock on your bedroom door and moving make up etc into there so you have a safe place that won’t get wrecked? And same with brothers bedrooms? A lock on the door so daughter can’t get in if she is having a meltdown?
Also do go back to paediatrician and ask about better sleep hygiene ideas. I presume you have tried all the usual removing stimulation from her room / blackout curtains/soothing lights and music?
Re school is it mainstream? If yes maybe she needs a specialist school that can cope better with her.
And do you have respite? Refer yourself to children’s services and ask for assessment. Good luck.