Help - am depressed and stuck and need some common sense!

[HelpImStuck]

How do I start? Am currently in a dangerously deep bout of depression/PND. Studying full time at Uni, working part time to pay bills, childcare, etc. (sadly no family locally so paying £155 per wk. plus). What's dragging me down? Working too hard and not spending enough time with my childre; beginning to fail my degree because so stressed out I can't think clearly. BUT if I do spend time at home the state of the house & garden makes me depressed & dp won't talk about it or let me do anything about it (was his house before we got together). Can't invite people back because it's so bad: loose bricks above the doorway; overgrown garden with piles of rubble; walls bare plaster or half stripped wallpaper; mouldy or non-existent curtains; bits of wood & mounds of paper everywhere - so I'm isolated and ds (5) & dd (2) don't get to have friends outside school/nursery.

What can I do?

1. Carry on as I am and fail degree, alienate my children because I'm permanently grumpy & fall apart emotionally and physically.
2. Tell dp I need to go part time - he will hate me because the car is getting old and needs replacing, he hates his job & I'll still be depressed because I'll be stuck in a smelly hole of a home. Even if he says yes, I doubt he will support me either practically or emotionally and will certainly make me 'pay' by emotional bullying & making me feel guilty & indebted to him.
3. Leave. With or without my children? Don't know how & suspect I would end up in hospital severely depressed if I tried this.

Any braver, clearer thinking people out there who can come up with a better solution? Sorry this is so long but can not see a way out and am scared at the way my thoughts are turning. Thanks to anyone who does read this.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Have you spoken to the uni and asked about studying part-time? Or maybe having a years break.

Tough one.

ONly you can know which ball to drop.

I'd drop the part-time work, personally. UNI is the thing that keeps your brain active, and is the key to you having a career - a part time job is a temporary fix to get you out of a hole.

Sod the house AND the garden - its winter anyway - you cant do much.

You ARENT indebted to your DP. You are supposed to be bringing up a family together. If money is tight and he hates his job so much - perhaps he should get his arse in gear and get a better job?

well, you have identified what is contributing to your feeling low and you have identified some possible solutions, although they have drawbacks

maybe taking a year out would be a good thing

give you a chance to do stuff in the house

and then you would feel better about that

Drop the degree (pick it up again when it's easier), pick one room to 'do' DIY to, talk to dh about both of you changing jobs,...you def.need to talk to him anyway, if you think he'll 'pay' you back like that. Not nice.

the first thing is- university always want you to continue (money for them), so go ask what kind of help with deadlines you can get, or perhaps doing p-t. when i got depressed in my second year, it became a choice between not finishing or them giving me an extension, and they chose the extension plus support.

with the house, could you not tell him that its affecting the dc's lives? and if he is trying to make you feel bad for wanting to improve your home then he is being selfish.

sorry if this is not helpful but for you

Sorry you are feeling so bad. You have a lot on your plate and it sounds as though you haven't found much support to help you out.

Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel? I think you need to find yourself some support and maybe this could be the first step to finding it. Does the university offer a councelling service? I know you probably think you have no time to go down that route right now but I think you need to make the time to sort yourself out then the rest will fall into place.

I honestly think the first step is to get yourself in a position where you can think more clearly and then make the decisions.

hope that all makes sense - not exactly 100% myself right now

Ideally, I'd go part time - this means I keep going and spend time with the children and we all feel a bit less chaotic.

My big problem is tackling dp - he won't talk & my depression scares him. If I try to do stuff round the house he doesn't like it turns into a vicious argument (not violent but with no end of personal insults and stropping). I love him but he can't tackle problems & our house is full of never finished projects which end up costing us money.

Think I need to be a bit braver and just accept the rows. Anybody got any self confidence or self esteem going spare?

is it a possibility that he's like me, he starts off some project in the house, then it gets a bit much and then getting defensive when dp asks why is it not done? cos i know what i needed then was someone to create a sort of plan of what we would get done and when (and how much we could spend etc.) and i know that when our house was unfinished, it got me down every single day, so i know how you feel.

just a thought but could your DP be suffering from depression too?