Starting to feel crap again

[nutcracker]

I think it is probably the time of year, but I can feel myself getting more and more down again.

Have been snapping at the kids again, can't sleep properly and don't want to do anything and feel really anxious again.

College is still going ok but whereas a few weeks ago I was loving it, now I am dreading it.

I know I don't feel anywhere near as bad as in the summer hols, when i really thought i might never feel normal again and could of quite cheerfully walked under a bus, but I just feel crap and fed up.

Do you usually suffer from deperession? lack of sleep seriously affects someones way of thinking, id go to gp and ask for help.

I agree about the alck of sleep making you feel low (always completely changes my personality to that of a super bitch!), but its also a sign of depression. Or SAD, of course.

Impending christmas isn't particularly good for the soul either if you've been through a lot as you have NC.

I would make a trip to see the GP- if it is depression that needs medicating then at least if you sort it now its got a chance to kick in before the kids break up.

Erm suppose I do yeah, just try and pretend that I don't. I nearly went on ad's back in Aug/Sep but didn't in the end as i had started to feel a bit better.

I feel like such a failiure though if I have to have ad's. Stupid as I don't think that of anyone else on them.

I just always think that eventually it will go, and it does, but tbh last time I scared myself with just how low I felt.

Dh used to feel ike that about AD's but he can't beleive the change in himself now he's on the Prozac (and only 4 weeks or so in as well). You'd be amazed at the people I know whoa re on AD's- immensely strong, amazing people like yourself who either have had a bunch of crap thrown at them (best mate whose dad has alzheimers), or people like Dh who have a clinical brain chemical problem that causes a depressive cycle but who function amazingly in every other way- holds down 2 jobs, fab dad etc etc etc

Tis nto a sign of failure. Sadly though we're being sold this crap view of what depression is- headline in times today so many thousand people off work with depression..... well the VAST majority work through it, and some poeple who have depression who do stop work for a while are really seriosuly ill, hospitalised or suicidal.

Sadly it doesn't help all those normal day to day people who just need a bit of help.

Oh I know, I just find it hard to accept that I need them at all.

My mum has recently started taking them and I don't think any less of her.

I think xmas is the main reason I am feeling shite. Last year I struggled to keep it together when the kids were opening their pressies, and although I had family round, and I really wasn't bothered that xp wasn't there, I felt really lonely and sorry for the kids.

nutcracker, have a look at another thread - Feeling depressed: sleep deprivation or pnd - how do i tell.

Hi its MB. Was going to refer you to above thread but FBC beat me to it!!. I fell out with my HV when she suggested I had PND and said I was just tired - 2 years later I rudging admit she may have had a point. Give ADs a go - you wouldnt try to walk off a broken leg so why should you just try to 'pull yourself together' from depression?. Dont seek the approval of anyone else for this - we all understand your situation here but people who haven't been through it often dont get it. Depression is a disease of the strong - remember that. There are some good self help books around and I find if I have anything wrng with me I like to understand it so I have reserached depression, sleep deprivation etc n a bid to normalise myself. I now believe that a mother who doesnt have some for of mental issue is a weirdo!

hi nut, just to say I too have been feeling really bad the past two weeks, reallylow.

I am actually on ad's so I am puttingit down to time of year, xmas, that general feeling, that you areon your own with the kids.

Maybe yuo could consider them. I fought for yrs not to got onthem for the same reasons as you, yet i NKoew, i would not survive without them.

I've had no patience either.

Hope you consider them at least?

I think I am going to have to aren't I ?? I will ruin xmas otherwise. I just worry that once i'm on them I will be on them forever.

Will go and read that thread now, thanks.

Oh am worried that it will look bad when (if i ever get that far) I apply to uni too. I know some people have not got in because of there mental state.

I sleep quite well once I get to sleep, it's just that I can't switch off my brain and so it takes an age to drop off, and then if ds wakes, which doesn't happen every night, but a few times a week, then it takes me ages to get back off.

You are JUST like me!! Do you have to sa about ADs when applying to Univ?. When I was there most people were on drugs of some sort!!

It is said that Prozac isnt addictive, it contains nothing you can chemically get addicted to. You can become relient on it though. Its like saying you are addicted to having a bed, you're not but you are reliant on it for sleeping but cannot be physically addicted to it. There is also Prozac 90 which is a weekly dose in a time release coating. It can be used as part of reduction from one a day Prozac 20mg. Alternatively you can go to every other day. I find having an 'exit' plan with my doctor with loose timescales very helpful It akes you feel that this is to help you in the short term and that when circumstances allow you will come off it and use others methods (plan them out as much as you can) to cope.

I would need to be declared fit for the course and so I think I have to disclose any medication. Although my gp has previously said that were I to be turned down because of being on Ad's she would have things to say about it, as most students are on them.

My gp is quite good, and did say last time that she was willing to let me go without ad's so long as I went back as soon as I felt there was a problem.

I think I just feel so under pressure and responsible for everything, when I don't want to be.

I am convinced i wil be on them forever, but i have accepted this. If I had accepted this yrs back, I cuold prob have made alot more of my life.
I was offered some amazing jobs in London yrs back, that i applied for and got but just couldnt face doing
Depression held me back so much in my career in my 20's.

I have had to 'declare' meds a few times, but tbh no one has ever bated an eyelid, and they are far more in use than you prob realise.

Oh I agree that it definatly holds me back, as I automatically think that I can't cope with something, or am not good enough to do something.

tbh, I am like that anyway!! Yet I know if I didn't have Prozac, I'd be useless at the stress etc.

Maybe give yourself a break tho, we are our own worst critics, trying to be great at everything, when we are so bloody tired on our own looking after our children.

My best frined always says this to me, but its hard to apply it to yourself isn't it.