How to help DH with his post natal depression?

[PennyDreadful66]

Hello,

I really need some help, I had a baby in January, my dad died in march, I'm having to care for my mum as she has learning difficulties, I've had to stop studying at university as the pressure was too much and I'm not feeling the best but I'm managing to get on with it and care for my baby as well I'm his mum and he needs me. My DH isn't coping too well, he has bad mood swings and I've had to have a word with him about having patience with the baby and not to be so rough with him etc etc he's told me today that he doesn't really see the baby as anything other than a baby and he only looks after him because he has to and really wishes we didn't have him, this has obviously broke my heart and will everything else going on feels like the last straw for me but I know I need to carry on for the baby but I know my husband needs help, we can't afford private, would the NHS mental health services be the best option or is there any good charities anyone can recommend?

Would you say that before this era you spent quite a bit of time focused on your DH? Eg a lot of caring (practical or emotional) or a lot of physically doing things for him eg cooking?
If so I would say that he's reacting to the fact that with everything going on in your life plus sharing a new baby, he's having to step up and do a lot of care - for you and your child.
It reminds me of the statistic about husbands leaving wives when they're diagnosed with cancer or MS. Women rarely do that - in fact they see the diagnosis as a reason not to leave.
If any of this rings true I would tell him that you're really disappointed that he doesn't feel able to step up and support you both when you need it. Could you ask him to leave for a week to help him get some distance and really think about things? You may also find your life easier without him in the picture - and if so that's something the two of you really need to consider, especially since you're going through so much personally

It is recognised that men do get postnatal depression. It's incredibly ignorant to suggest that you should tell anyone with depression that they should get over it, pull themselves together, or even to leave. Comments like that are why suicide is a significant issue in males.

OP, here's some information that might be helpful to you and to your partner.

www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/blogs-and-stories/after-birth/tommys-midwives/postnatal-depression-men

@Orf1abc He hasn't said he feels depressed. His feelings about his child are WAAAAY more common among men than most people ever admit. For many men, there's a just step up and get on with it bit before the love really kicks in (when they become more interactive). Actually that's quite common with women too, again nobody admits it. Doesn't mean depression.

Men can get depressed or suffer with other MH issues after fatherhood, but it’s totally different from the changes in mood and mental health associated with the massive hormonal changes generated by pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period in mothers.
In fact it’s horrifying that some GPs and psychiatrists don’t understand the impact hormonal changes can have. This former President of the Section of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the Royal Society of Medicine, Prof. John Studd, explains it well here.

www.studd.co.uk/postnataldepression.php

I wish his views had been current when I suffered two bouts of post natal psychosis, was wrongly diagnosed, and put on damaging and ineffective medication for some years.

@zaffa

He doesn't have diagnosed depression.

[quote andivfmakes3]@zaffa

He doesn't have diagnosed depression.
[/quote]
But he has symptoms and so should be encouraged to seek treatment, not told to pull himself together and stop being so selfish! I have read so many posts on here from mums who don't have diagnosed PND but have symptoms and they are encouraged to seek help and to be kind to themselves- why is it always different when it's a man?