I stumbled upon this by accident while looking for threads on WFH and have created an account because I really strongly wanted to offer a different perspective to those encouraging you not to seek a diagnosis/treatment for BPD. Apologies if this is a long post. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.
My whole life was plagued by BPD from my teenage years on. Every single aspect of my life. I was unable to complete my education, moved from job to job being fired or jumping before I was pushed. Relationships with family and friends were strained in the extreme because of my condition, and I lost many friends because they couldn't handle it. I did not have a long term relationship between the ages of 19 and 37. Men in my social circle didn't want to date me because I was the manifestations of my condition were well known to people, and when I did date someone, it would all go very wrong, very quickly. I binged on alcohol and drugs dangerously, got into financial trouble constantly, engaged in dangerous sexual behaviours, self harmed and attempted suicide. I had various forms of talking therapy on both on the NHS and privately, as well as spells on different medications. Nothing made a difference.
Finally, in my late 20s I found myself living abroad, having run away from the latest set of disasters. I had yet another mental health crisis and my family paid for me to seek treatment at a private international hospital. There I was diagnosed with BPD by both a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, and the diagnosis made sense of everything that I had experienced my whole life. However dialectical behaviour therapy was not available where I was living at the time, and although I was offered more generalised treatment, I was unable to continue for very long due to the cost. Family and friends urged me to return to the UK so that I could seek specialist treatment, but I was unwilling to uproot and determined to pursue my plans abroad, convinced that I would move half way across the world only to be denied the treatment I needed. Life continued to be turbulent in every respect, with periods of being semi functional and seeming like things were improving, followed by yet another crisis. Various traumatic and damaging things happened while I was there, partly because I was known to be vulnerable and was preyed upon by some very unpleasant people, and partly due to my own impaired judgement.
Eventually things fell apart completely, and I returned to the UK. I had heard that it was difficult to get a BPD diagnosis on the NHS, and was worried, like you, that I would not be taken seriously despite having a diagnosis from a hospital in another country. I started looking at private psychiatrists (my family had agreed to pay for one session, just to get my diagnosis confirmed.) However my GP had given me an emergency mental health referral and to my surprise I was seen by an NHS psychiatric nurse three weeks later, who got me a consultation with a psychiatrist two weeks after that. I was expecting to have a struggle to get him to confirm a BPD diagnosis, and did not have my medical records from abroad.
However, it was all so easy I couldn't believe I had put off seeking treatment for so long due to fears I would not be believed or taken seriously. I simply went through all my symptoms with him, explaining how they manifested, and he confirmed my diagnosis straight away, and referred me for further assessment. This consisted of three sessions with a psychologist for who took a very in-depth history and decided on the next steps.
In the area I was living at the time there were two courses of BPD available, both in group therapy settings, one a year long for people with very severe symptoms, and one four months long for people whose condition was milder. It was decided that I fell between the two, and therefore that I would receive individual therapy using a mix of approaches including DBT, compassion-focused therapy and mindfulness. I was skeptical about the last two as they initially sounded a little bit woolly to me, but I was to be proven wrong.
I was initially told that I would have to wait three months to begin the treatment, but due to unexpected staff changes I ended up waiting about six months until a suitable psychologist was available. In the meantime I was offered a couple of support sessions with another therapist just to offer some support.
The difference the treatment made to my life has been unbelievable. I got back into work after a year and a half of unemployment and managed to stay employed. I studied for and actually completed a qualification for the first time since leaving school almost two decades before. I got back into a career that I had previously abandoned because my condition meant I just couldn't hack it long term, and have been working in that successfully for nearly a year now. I met a wonderful man, got into a healthy relationship for the first time in my life, and am now married and hoping to start a family shortly.
At the end of my treatment I was told that I no longer meet the criteria for diagnosis, and therefore am in recovery from BPD, and was given a detailed report saying that I had responded effectively to treatment and no longer have the condition. I still have traits of course, and always will. I have my ups and downs, and my anxiety has been an issue since the beginning of the pandemic. But for the first time I am happy, healthy, stable, and am building the life I always wanted but never believed possible.
I was treated with courtesy and respect throughout the entire process of seeking and receiving treatment on the NHS. The stigma attached to the condition is fading away as the condition is now better understood and known to be treatable. I had some ill informed comments from one locum GP, but ignored them as I knew that what she said was simply based on outdated attitudes and not in line with current thinking. My regular GP, and the psychiatrists, psychologists and mental health nurses I saw were all unfailingly understanding, compassionate, respectful and helpful.
During my last session with my therapist I discussed my plans to start a family and asked whether my history would prevent me getting IVF, should I need it due to my age. She looked shocked, said that she had never heard of anyone being refused fertility treatment on that basis, and that should I ever encounter any such problems due to having BPD in my medical history, she would send a report saying that I have recovered and that there is no reason why I should be discriminated against in any way.
I know this was a long post, but I wanted you to get a different view, and understand fully just how transformative a diagnosis and targeted treatment can be, if you do indeed turn out to have BPD. It is no longer true that most providers are hostile and that all sufferers are stigmatised. It may be true in some quarters, but things have changed so much. Don't feel afraid to seek the help you need,
(Also apologies if this doesn't read well. I am too emotionally exhausted after typing all that to proof read. I just thought it was important that you, and anyone else afraid of diagnosis and treatment, see that things really can get so much better.)