Fear of dying

[fearfulfran]

It's crept up on me but I now find myself thinking about dying pretty much all day long.

It's not the fact of actually dying as to be honest it would be a blessed relief to me personally but I'm so worried for my daughter. She's a teenager and has quite a few emotional/ anxiety related issues. She's not close to her dad and I just know she wouldn't cope without me.

I don't know of any health issues... I'm over weight and I Vape though which I know aren't healthy things but every time I try to change those things the anxiety of dying makes me want to eat and vape even more.

I'm waiting for counselling for PTSD from years ago and have been on the waiting list for talking therapies for an eternity. I feel exhausted from thinking about it all the time. Googling every little twinge and deciding that's it, I'm definitely dying, and she'll be alone without a mum. It's becoming an obsession

I'm not particularly knowledgeable, but as long as no one else has replied as yet, I thought I'd post.

I'm just wondering, while you're waiting for something "official," could you look for some informal support groups in your area? And I know it's hugely difficult to change habits, but the best way is to replace them with different habits. Do you exercise? Exercise is one of the single best things. If you're not exercising, could you at least start with a brisk daily walk? Maybe you could even make it a daily outing with your daughter.

Good luck.

Thank you for replying. I don't exercise enough. I do get out for a walk with my dd because I know it's good for her mental health but it's a very slow chatty sort of walk as opposed to exercise

Although such is my anxiety about dying that I've kind of convinced myself that if I exercise I'll have a heart attack

All right, that was amusing about your paranoia about exercise, but I'm sure your brain secretly knows that exercise is likelier to prevent a heart attack, not cause one.

So it's great that you're walking, and it's great that you're chatty - but just pick up the pace until it's a brisk walk. Do you live in a place where you could run some of your errands on foot rather than by car?

I notice you ignored one of my main points - to look for some kind of informal support group. Are you willing to check around for that? Also, I'm sure you know that there a a million ways to diet. One thing I believe, although I haven't noticed any experts saying this, is that it may help to analyze your own eating patterns, and figure out where the problem lies. For instance: is it a matter of eating junk food, or a matter of too much sugar, or a matter of snacking, or a matter of portions? Here's a fascinating fact: Did you know that people lose weight just by switching to smaller plates?

So think about putting in a little effort.

MsAmerica your posts are not helpful. As you say you aren't particularly knowledgeable.

Fearful. So yes I get you. I have anxiety partly centred around dying and leaving the dc (I nearly did and I have an illness that's scary).This afternoon I went for a walk with a pain in my chest. I had to stay calm because it was postural. It did go. I did get home.
I have coping strategies in place but I acknowledge that's what they are and work to reduce them.

Bumping for you OP

All this going round in your head must be a terrible strain. You say you’re on an interminable waiting list for talking therapy - do you have any spare cash at all? Just asking as therapists often have sliding scales so they can help people who really need it but aren’t well off. And nowadays all therapy is on Zoom so you’re not tied to searching local ones.

You do say sadly that you wouldn’t mind dying - ‘it would be a blessed relief’. Do you think if you could get meds to help you feel better your daughter would get the benefit too?

Your worry is about leaving her - I’d say try to do everything you possibly can for her. What’s your relationship with her like? Just wondering how it would it be to focus on her and feel you’re doing your absolute best to help her heal and grow. And that would include getting help for yourself.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

MsAmerica your posts are not helpful. As you say you aren't particularly knowledgeable.

Fearful. So yes I get you. I have anxiety partly centred around dying and leaving the dc (I nearly did and I have an illness that's scary).This afternoon I went for a walk with a pain in my chest. I had to stay calm because it was postural. It did go. I did get home.
I have coping strategies in place but I acknowledge that's what they are and work to reduce them.

I don't think that's fair.

Exercise is an amazing anxiety and depression reducer. Studies show it is as effective as medication and therapy at reducing both anxiety and depression. Of course exercising + therapy or medication would be even better.. but recommending exercise is very helpful.

I went through a period with panic disorder and had a pretty awful fear of dying because of that. I tried a lot of treatment, several medications, went to see 2 different psychologists. I also cleaned up my diet and exercised more. Exercise definitely helps a lot. For me it wasn't the entire solution.. for me what worked was exercise and therapy. Medication caused more problems for me then it fixed but everyone is different.

It took me about 6 sessions to really start to get on a good path. I was fine to just work on it on my own after that but again everyone is different.

I have this op, it has got worse over the last four years and it is absolutely awful. I'm selfish though because it is solely focussed on myself and my fear of dying, I don't spare a thought for the poor kids

In the last six months I have lost weight and started to exercise. I swim because I find the monotony helps my mind to switch off. I do walk for a couple of hours a week but that doesn't help me mentally.

I had CBT four years ago for a different anxiety and I am in a wait list to go again. I do practice mindfulness when I am gripped by sheer terror but it is the slow drag of fear that I can't seem to shift.

Last week my GP suggested I double my dose of sertraline and both DH and I think I am generally less tense.

I don't have the answer but I think the key is to not give into it, keep believing you can beat it even if you feel like shit.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

MsAmerica your posts are not helpful. As you say you aren't particularly knowledgeable.

Fearful. So yes I get you. I have anxiety partly centred around dying and leaving the dc (I nearly did and I have an illness that's scary).This afternoon I went for a walk with a pain in my chest. I had to stay calm because it was postural. It did go. I did get home.
I have coping strategies in place but I acknowledge that's what they are and work to reduce them.

Sorry, I'm not quite sure what you mean. You also don't seem to be knowledgeable in terms of any professional expertise. At least I mentioned some specific avenues to try, which seems more helpful than your just talking about your own problems.

But mainly I posted because no one else was responding, and it was sad that the OP was being overlooked.

Go to your G.P and tell them how you feel.

Thanks all. I do agree that exercise would help, but I am genuinely worried about the heart attack thing. I know it's ridiculous but as PP said, I'm often walking with a pain in my chest.

I've cut down on the vape the past couple of days. Which has made me feel a bit better.

I'm sorry to read about the others of you who have the same worries. It's exhausting isn't it.

I don't work at the moment because of Dd's problems so I have no money for therapy (and too much time on my hands to worry!). I think I'll go back to GP.... maybe some meds will help xx