feel i'm going crazy!

[sonlyme]

god, where do i start? have pnd, got it after 2nd child(2.8yrs) and is still going strong after 3rd who's 1 now. my hubby is no support and it's crossed my mind to leave him but he's not a bad person, he works and helps with the kids, he just has no communication skills. i feel desperate with no one who understands. i have taken to drinking at 3 in the afternoon as its the only thing that can get me till the kids bedtime. my daughter(2.8yrs)is an incredibly difficult child who i don't much like. this breaks my heart as i adore her little sister and her older sister. i am on citalopram and talk to a nurse at hospital re the drinking. she thinks it's down to pnd and 'bonding problems' with my daughter. every day is such a struggle. i never could understand women who left their kids but i do now. please someone give me words of comfort or support as i hate myself so much for being like this...

sonlyme, please please don't hate yourself. I read your post and breaks my heart. It's good you've got the nurse to talk to, keep talking.
Sometimes we feel alone but keep going. Hugs.

thanks sasquatch, have decided to talk more about how i really feel instead of pretending alls ok.appreciate the hugs! x

I feel for you. Looking after children is very stressful. Have you heard of Saneline? It's a phone line that you can call and talk to a counsellor when you feel miserable. I don't know the number but I think it is in the phone book. It's nationwide. Lock yourself in the loo and phone them and have a good weep whenever you are at breaking point. They don't mind how long you talk for !! I don't think it costs any more than a local call. Do you have a counsellor? Will your GP get you one? Get help with the children as often as possible. Let your husband have them on his own and go out and relax whenever possible! Even if it's just to sit in a cafe and sip tea without a load of toddlers. You sound like you need some breathing space; I hope you find it. Take care of yourself.

Sonlyme, talking is really hard to begin sometimes. But, in these situations I think it always helps. Remember that what you are thinking and feeling are symptoms, they don't make you a bad person and you would never look so harshly on yourself if you had an ear infection. Jetson is right, there are so many people that you can call in a dark moment or its all too much. These people man the phones for people like us and they will do a better job of re-assuring you than me, though my heart is in the right place! I'm sure that you are a fab mummy and that leaving your kids is the last thing you wan t to do. Again, a lil time away to just sit still for 2 mins would help I'm sure. Toddlers are very hard work, hope thats not just mine! You have 3 lil ones, you must be exhausted. Keep talking and take care

thank you so much everyone for your kind thoughts! x

Saneline is 0845 7678000. It's open 1pm till 11pm every day. It's the same cost as a local call tho from a mobile it may cost more. They can also advise on where you can go to get help, but best of all they'll listen to you when you're miserable.
Good luck.