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I feel like I’m in a big black hole!

7 replies

Greengrass432 · 28/05/2021 21:29

Hi,

There’s a lot I need to get off my chest and get everything out so I can have some more understanding of why I feel the way I do.
Where to start!
I have no friends, not 1. I used to have loads but when I met my partner it all become about him and I didn’t put the effort in to keep any connections. I would work 50 hrs a week and then couldn’t be bothered to do anything on weekends. Non of them put the effort in either. I met my partner when I was just 13, I’m now 26. In a few months I will have been with him longer than we have been apart. I love him but I’m not in love with him anymore. I have also questioned for years now why he was never asked me to marry him which also gets me down. ( I would never be the one to ask) we have a mortgage and a 16month old daughter. My mother is a raging drug addict so I have nothing to do with her. All of the rest of the family have never tried to make any sort of relationship with me or my sister because of the way my mother is. My sister, even tho she’s the only family member I have I just can’t trust her. Anything I tell her she goes running to those family members who don’t give a shit about us to give them the gossip.
My current job is just a mess. When I started there was 16 of us now there is 4. My manager is a bully and the most intimating person you have ever met. So we are expected to so the same work load that all 16 used to do. It’s very well paid which allows me to work part time and be on a decent wage earning more than I would if I was full time at say a standard 10/11£ paying company. My partner has never been selfish with money but hey surprise it took me to pop a kid of for the selfishness to start! I’m paying half of all the bills still, all of the nursery fees £500 per month plus all of my personal bills. Last month I couldn’t even afford a pack of tampons. The agreement was once I went back to work he would pay half of the child care meaning I’d have an extra £250 in my pocket per month with would tie all of my personal needs over. Maybe buy my daughter some new clothes. Every month he says I’ll sort it ! And never does! Then when I complain about not having money his response is well go back to work full time !!! If I went back to work full time my childcare bill will go upto £800-£900 per month. This would make me even worse off than I am now. I don’t have family or friends that can held with childcare and we aren’t eligible for help. He has a good job which leaves him with £800 disposable income each month which I don’t see a penny of. I cry myself to sleep every night because I’m unhappy in all aspects of my life and don’t know how to make it better. I have no support around me. I don’t have enough money to put some aside each month to even just get out and do things.

Please be kind, I don’t want to feel even more shit about myself right now xxxx

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 28/05/2021 22:28

Hugs - what an awful situation, no wonder you are upset! I think you need to think about leaving your partner as he sounds pretty crap, not to mention financially abusive. Could you call Women's Aid for advice? In the meantime, could you stop contributing to the bills, even just in the short term to build up some spare cash for when you leave? If he complains you could say it's a trade off for him not paying his half of the childcare. Whose name is the house in?

Custardo · 28/05/2021 22:38

im being as kind as i can - you refer to "your" childcare costs. this should be shared.

so this - you know that you know but here goes. here are the sums

all of the bills divided proportionately

so do the sums
" yes honey i am gagging - fucking gagging to go back to work full time. childcare costs are going to be £250 per week, we split the bills in half and i want half of the disposable income only fair regardless off what we each earn" if he is opposed a further conversation needs to behad - honestly though, in your shoes i would demand half of all disposable income - what ar you - free fucking childcare whilst your lovely prick of a partner gets his career to last a fucking lifetime - THINK longterm

dangermouseisace · 28/05/2021 22:52

Oh sweetheart.

You will always have the opportunity to meet more people.

Are your sister and your partner adding anything of value to your life?

BTW, if you’re on your own you are likely to get help with childcare costs. Your partner is taking the piss. If you don’t want to be with him any more, talk to citizens advice. They’ll be able to help you explore your options, because there are options. You don’t have to live like this.

bluebell34567 · 28/05/2021 22:59

he isnt a nice person.
what do you get from this relationship?

LucyLocketsPocket · 29/05/2021 06:54

Why are they 'your' childcare costs?

OldWivesTale · 29/05/2021 07:24

You already know deep down that he's a selfish dick. You need to make plans to leave him. He should be paying half at least. Why aren't you splitting your money if you are living as a family? He doesn't want to marry you because he knows it will cost him. You are still very young. Get out of this shitty relationship while you can. I know it's hard because it's all you've known but you can make another life for yourself.

FusionChefGeoff · 29/05/2021 07:34

I think this should be in relationships as that is where your problem is.

He sounds awful on what little you've said and I bet there's loads more....

Who does the cleaning?
Childcare?
Cooking?
House mgmt in general?

They are not your childcare costs any more than she's your child! You absolutely should both contribute to that.

Is he older than you? Sometimes when relationships start when you're so young there is an age gap.

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