Completely lost, whirlwind of a year

[dangermouse707]

I have honestly reached the end of my tether here... not a clue what to do with myself. I’ve had the worst 6/9 months I could’ve imagined and I just can’t see any of this ending.

• had a LTR break up after 5 years last summer. Everything fell apart - our flat, car etc and I moved back in with my parents (I’m 23).
• spent the next few months pretty down in the dumps. On top of working I attempted to start running, working out, redecorated my room etc but felt useless.
• had a bit of a low, wanted to escape and move to the city for a fresh start but family kicked off. saying I was too depressed for such a drastic change / living with strangers etc and they all basically laughed it off. In the end decided to stay here and save for a deposit but I am so bored. Half my friends here are in relationships or off doing their own thing. I can count my friends here on one hand now and I’m quite lonely.
• attempted to date again and am met with constant rejection, apart from one guy who finally made me happy but he ended it very suddenly due to issues of his own
• then had an incorrect charge escalated to a huge fine and a dent in my credit score - am of course going to get this reinstated but it’s stress and is going to take a while
• finally, I found a new job and things were looking up. coincidentally, my employer then decides my performance “isn’t up to scratch” and unfairly dismisses me on the spot a day after I hand in my resignation???? I will be taking this further

But my god when will my luck change??? It’s been constant knock after knock and now I have 3 months until I start my new job with absolutely nothing to do. My mind is screaming out for me to go travelling, book a one way flight somewhere but a) it’d have to be alone and b) my parents laughed the idea off saying I’m not ready, I’m being impulsive, it’s purely an escape mechanism, I’m off the rails, embarrassing etc etc.
I just feel like I’m 23 and my life is falling apart, and now this. I genuinely feel like I can’t cope, don’t see the point in going on anymore...

Can anyone help? ☹️

Is anyone there because I’m so lost and losing the plot 😔

Your family sound unsupportive and unkind. At 23 you should feel able to try anything - you have plenty of time to right any mistakes you make. You have a job lined up which is awesome, get some legal advice via acas about the dismissal and see if you have a claim. Go traveling if it’s permitted but start small if you’re not feeling confident- are there small trips you could do with a group as a starting point? Moving to the city and away from your family doesn’t sound like a bad idea either. Freedom to to be yourself and build your confidence could do you a lot of good.

This isn’t about luck at all, it’s about finding your inner strength to get past the tough times and learning from them. Some people are lucky but for many of us life is about good things, bad things, and learning to ride those ups and downs.

I felt the same at 23 l - broke up from a LTR, realised my career dreams weren’t going to happen, felt lost. At 25 I was unemployed and doing temping, living hand to mouth. Owed upwards of £25k on credit cards and loans with a poor credit rating. By 25 I met my now husband and at 40 I earn six figures in a great job that I wouldn’t have imagined and debt is a distant memory, own a beautiful house and on the whole love my life. I had to learn to be resilient, and not to strive only for perfection but to be happy with enough.

Good luck. Your life sounds like it’s at a point where opportunities can and will arise - get out there and grab them!

Are you looking for temp work for the next three months? It's good to keep busy.

Realistically your travel plan is not happening in the near future due to all restrictions.

What help are you looking for? You could self refer to talking therapies if you think that might help.

So sorry to hear you are you going through such a tough time OP.
I know how it feels and have been there .
Sometimes, who knows why, Life decides to just deal us blow after blow after blow. I know the feeling of having everything crumble around you and it is awful.
Put self-care as a priority, it is so easy to neglect yourself during tough times but this only makes you feel worse in the long-run. This could be whatever makes you feel better - going for a walk, a long, hot bath with essential oils, a face mask .
Fantastic that you have a job lined up, will that be local? or further awayy? Could you start looking for a place to rent? to regain some independence and privacy.
Most important, these tough times won’t hang around forever.
Brighter days are on the way

I’m going to be honest, it seems so hard for me to keep going :(

I’m stuck at home with my parents, no job until September. Trying to see friends but everyone is busy. Genuinely no one sees me as a priority, puts me first or ever asks me to go anywhere. I’ve spent the whole weekend alone, mainly in bed.
You know when you just realise that there’s nothing for you and no one would even realise your absence? Not one person has reached out to me this week, despite some knowing I’m having a hard time.
Even my sister was just bitching about me about how moody I’ve been to my mum. I constantly feel sick and I can’t get myself out of this rut, and I want to think it’ll get better but I’ve felt like this since January and everything is just going downhill

@dangermouse707 sorry to hear you're feeling down.

In reading your posts, you make many references to other people and how they view you/don't talk to you/moan about you/don't want to see you.

The thing to realise is that none of this has an affect on your wellbeing and happiness. It's all down to how you're thinking about it. Let me show you how:

You have the thought 'not one person's reached out to me to check I'm ok'. When you think that you feel fed up, which means you continue to feel bad about your situation.

You could equally think 'not one person's reached out to me to check I'm ok' and feel ok about that because it means they think you can manage well on your own.

You could again think the same thing 'not one person's reached out to me to check I'm ok' and feel pleased because it means they leave you alone and you don't have to answer their questions.

Do you see how the exact same situation can create three different outcomes? The only thing that changes is how you think about it.

So to stop feeling in a rut I suggest you write 50 things that are super great about your life. 1) You have a new job to look forward to. 2) You're 23 and so much ahead of you. 3) You have supportive Mumsnetters around you.... etc. etc.

This will help to build up your sense of self and resilience. When you feel pumped up you take positive action. When you sit and think about all the things that are wrong you will not feel the urge to take action so nothing changes.

Give it a go. You can do it!

@Coachee - loved reading your post. A great example of how things can change!