BPD/CPTSD - anything make a difference to quality of life?

[magenta4634737]

Hi, I'm waiting back on a psychiatric report - complex post traumatic stress disorder diagnosed and I have many elements of BPD and social anxiety etc.

Waiting to begin medication any day now and will be entering therapy - integrative and DBT mentioned.

I have only recently been diagnosed (but this has been ongoing since my teenage years). I feel both restless and relief at having a diagnosis and wondering what are some of the best ways to help myself (apart from obviously attending therapy).

I am currently a sahm so not working (I have in mind a low key on-line business which is more connected to a hobby). I basically need to construct a new routine soon when my pre-schooler heads off to school (not for another year) but I need to put some thought into it.

I am fast approaching late forties and have peri-menopause on top of everything else. I have very little support in real life. I have a husband but I don't feel he provides much emotional support, not really sure where to turn with this but it explains such a lot - fear of abandonment, emotional highs to name but a few.

I have a few ideas such as volunteering and joining a community garden scheme plus a walking group as well as my low key business but nothing seems as if it is going to be enough to help me feel better.

Just wondering if anyone has made changes that have really helped?

If I were to return to work I would only want to work about 10 hours a week so this doesn't provide much scope (on-line business could potentially match this I guess) but it means that I might not interact on the days I am doing this. I'm unclear how much interaction I need because I often feeling lonely but can feel overwhelmed by people at the same time though usually feel better for talking. Perhaps it will all make more sense when I enter therapy.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. Any advice welcome.

DBT was the most helpful thing I’ve ever done. I think if you’re going through therapy it can be hard to do a lot else.

Thank you dangermouse. How were you able to use DBT to make changes? I don't know why (probably something to do with my negative thinking) I am already sceptical of what's on offer.

I don’t think I used it to make changes. I learned how to identify emotions which sounds weird, but I couldn’t before. And would just panic that I couldn’t cope with this “awfulness”. And learned skills to avoid/stop panicking/catastrophising. Something must have changed because I’m employed, reducing meds etc now. There’s a lot to it, and different people get different things out of it. There were bits that didn’t apply to me at all, but really helped other people in the group and vice versa.

I'd like to piggy back on this if I may. Did you get DBT on the NHS or private? Can you recommend anywhere to go. OP I am very weary and sceptical too. I have had so much therapy in my life the thought of going for more is appalling to me, but the thought of not improving is also appalling. I hope you have an OK day today.

I definitely think working on a community garden is a great idea OP. I have recently started helping out at a garden near me, despite never having had the slightest interest in gardening. It is very mindful and the one time in the week I feel calm. It's also good to know I'm doing something positive for the community.

I got DBT on the NHS. They didn’t do the “full” DBT which is skills plus therapy due to cutbacks, just the skills. To be honest, I’d talked about my life so much already I preferred just doing the skills.

That said, I’m really REALLY struggling with my latest med reduction and nothing practical is helping so maybe for some people medication helps too.

Valancy It is good to hear the community garden scheme is helping. At the moment, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as my pre-schooler doesn't start pre-school until September. I feel like I'm constantly giving and not developing anything outside of the home for myself. Hopefully, the restrictions will have lifted by then as I definitely need to get out of the four walls more. I also want to join the local gym and up my exercise - swim and yoga etc (and hopefully meet my friend there). I have put on so much weight through binge eating. I love my dc beyond measure but in way, with no extended family etc. I find I am limited in what I can do. Having said this there are things I can do in the 5 hours or so between school runs such as the community garden as mentioned (which I will have to travel to as it isn't in my community!)

I am able to access therapy privately because I am currently covered by health insurance (but might not be able to in the future). I haven't started yet so obviously can't comment on this.

I have just been prescribed venfaxaline...probably start it sometime next week as GP hasn't processed the request yet. I also take beta blockers as and when and find them very helpful. Everything is in a bit of a lull between assessment and treatment and also with pre-schooler as there is no-one else to care for her.

Anyone else volunteer?

My daughter suggested getting some airpod earphone thingies (sorry not technically minded) and listen to music she thought it might be calming. Not sure about this as I can become quite emotional with music but I do fancy listening to podcasts/audio tape type broadcasts. Does anyone else do this?...I can't make up my mind whether it will aggravate or sooth me.

I think there are various art workshops for people experiencing m/h difficulties but it all seems a bit disjointed with workshops being held here and there - it would be lovely if it could all run under one roof and offer a quiet space to go.

I would like to see more support groups as well at least on a regional basis. (not everyone's cup of tea but I have run a support group in the past for something else and some people really do benefit) at least on a regional basis.

I reckon I might pester the powers that be about all of this (when I get the energy)!

Have you considered volunteering at a charity shop? Volunteering at CAB? Maybe mixing this with a few hours of paid work. What cried out to me was the lack of identity you feel partly due to your diagnosis and partly due to being a stay at home mum. You can love them dearly but you still need to do something for you. If you volunteer you can usually set your own hours. If you teamed this with one day or a few hours working somewhere you might find your self esteem improves, your support network may also improve. Can you go to a meeting or help support a forum for people with similar issues? Possibilities are endless.

Thank you e2 for responding. Yes, I have thought about working in a charity shop related to something close to my heart and may well do that. I am struggling to commit myself to any one thing, it's as if I feel under appreciated and don't want the stress like I did before of hitting targets at work etc. but at the same time, I want to feel part of something. Finding a few hours work is slightly more tricky...that's why I thought about dabbling with my hobby business to see if it works out - it will also allow me the flexibility I want around the dc. It's all a bit of the unknown at the moment and I find that daunting as I'm not good with change. Would definitely like my self esteem to improve and have definitely lost my identity along the way...but working on this.

I am experiencing relationship issues which doesn't help (don't want to go into this as nothing is very clear in my mind) but I feel emotionally unsupported and with how I am feeling everything is exaggerated.

Heading off to therapy soon - hope this helps as I could certainly do with the support.