To not realise how affected you were

[Yellow85]

Trying not to go into too much details, however growing up I had a difficult time with an alcoholic DM who very clearly had MH issues. In all honestly I was oblivious as a younger child, but as I got older I started to realise the gravity of the issue.

Anyways, fast forward to now...I’m happily married with my own children. Suffer with anxiety. Finally reached out and started some therapy which in all honestly had really made me realise how much I and my whole mindset and life has been impacted by my DM. I mean it literally seems to connect everything I do and think. I’m overprotective and drive myself into exhaustion trying to make things perfect for my kids. Generally trying to be the mother I wanted.

Wondering when/if you realised how affected you were by certain situations? And how much it would impact you as a person.

I’m overprotective and drive myself into exhaustion trying to make things perfect for my kids. Generally trying to be the mother I wanted.

I have done/do the same.

I experienced emotional neglect and physical/mental abuse as a child. I have just been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder and possible BDP alongside anxiety. Some of what I am experiencing might be genetic but a large part of it all is due to my upbringing and my horrible parents (from whom I am now estranged).

I'm waiting for therapy to begin having only recently been diagnosed properly (in the past it has been lumped under anxiety). The sense of relief I felt at getting an actual diagnosis and verbalizing everything to the psychiatrist was incredible. I have a huge amount of anger stored up as well as sadness about what I should have had (grief). I am also angry that it has taken such a long time to get a proper diagnosis (heading toward 50), this should have happened many, many years ago. I am also angry that my difficulties weren't picked up as a child when school report after report flagged up how quiet and withdrawn I was (but mental health wasn't such a thing in the 70's/80's). T

Anyhow, the psychiatrist has said that I need to put myself first more??? This is going to be difficult as my youngest dc is 3 so fairly dependent. I look at my mothering ability as a positive - something positive to come out of all the crap but...I think I have done too much for my eldest dc in particular and actually feel guilty about this! Motherhood eh!

@magenta4634737 Thanks for replying. I’m sorry that you had the worst of upbringing. I have to say, I’ve never felt angry or felt sorry for myself for what I had, I just kinda got on with it. Hence why I didn’t really think it affected me.

I’m lucky I was able to access talking therapy and the more we talked about the things that give me anxiety the more obvious it was that it’s all stemmed from the same thing. I’m angry now I can see how much her choices have impacted my adult behaviours and interactions.

I hope you get some therapy arranged soon. I’ve found talking to someone who I don’t have to worry about upsetting or passing on my personal stories massively helpful!

Hi Yellow. I didn't realise how bad things were at the time (growing up). I always thought it was my father who had caused a lot of my problems because it was so obvious (physical abuse and emotional abuse) but in actual fact it was very much my mother too...but I didn't see this and always saw her as the victim. I never felt sorry for myself either because I didn't know what I was missing if that makes sense (my family were quite insular, I didn't get to look inside other families as such). Now I feel sorry for myself. My teen was using me as a verbal punch bag the other day and I thought to myself...this is what unconditional love is whereas I'm not sure my mother was even capable of giving love. Worse than that, she has 'triangulated' my siblings and I but if you listen to her, it's everyone else's fault and she would never admit to having mental health problems.

It is difficult for me knowing she is there, yet doesn't care...it is an ongoing kind of grief and difficult to deal with.

My assessment was very difficult, I can only imagine what therapy sessions are going to be like. Hopefully, they will start in a week or two. I'm glad therapy has helped you...for me, it is long overdue.