I desperately need someone to talk to but I don’t know who to turn to

[WoodSageandSeasalt]

I’m at rock bottom, COVID aside I’ve had a bad time (relationship breakup, divorce, house move) and it’s also triggered a lot of stuff from the past. I’ve nobody to talk to irl but I can’t go on like this - I just come home from work, get into bed and cry and I physically hurt most days.

I’ve spoken to SHOUT before and the person was so kind but it doesn’t change anything. I know if I see my GP it will be waiting list for counselling and ADs which I don’t want. I need practical support and I need it soon.

Please can someone help?

Hi, WoodSageandSeasalt. Sorry you are feeling so low. I do think that a GP appointment may be an important way of helping yourself. In the short term, it will be an opportunity to talk things through a bit. And if there is a waiting list for support then it is best to get on it earlier rather than later. Also, the GP may be able to assess you with a view to hurrying things forward if necessary.

I know that ADs don't help everyone -- they will only help if there is some neurochemical basis to your low mood. But I wonder why you rule them out? Have you tried them without success in the past? It might be worth trying a different type.

Because my problems aren't caused by a chemical imbalance, they're real life things that a drug cant solve.

Could you afford private talking therapy?

My mum died suddenly in August and about 5 months later I was just coming out if the initial shock and really struggling. I went onto a BACP registered counsellors and looked in my area. Most were offering Skype sessions. Most offer a trial session to see if you'd like to proceed.

I found a great counsellor. It's £50 a session every 2 weeks. It's honestly been great for me. I'm still in the middle of working through all the shit that came up and I'm changed as a person a bit, but I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

I'm sorry you're struggling.

Have you approached the mental health charity Mind? They offer pay what you can therapy. Often they can fit you in quite quickly.

I am sorry you are feeling poorly. I hope i can invite you to see that this binary/divide you have erected between "real" problems and "head" problems is not quite right as things aren't so water tight.

Therapy and medication are used to help people cope with very "real" problems. Not everyone seeking them has a diagnosed mental health illness. People often need these for very real struggles - relationship breakdowns, death and bereavement, financial losses - i could go on.

Support for mental health is not designed (Solely) To fix a chemical imbalance. People seek out support at turbulent phases in life - when coming out of abusive situations, when coming to terms with big life decisions, when being unable to cope with real, lived, practical burdens of caring. There are SO many real, practical circs and problems we can cope with better if we get the support we need - through therapy - to think about and experience these real things differently - and through meds - to calm down the way our body responds to these very real things.

If you step away from the "real" problems versus "chemical imbalance" dichotomy - you will soon realise that mental health help could really benefit you.

If you do decide to get some help - thanks to IAPTS - you can simply self-refer yourself online to therapy via providers such as Mind Matters. No need for a GP referral.

Simply type into google "IAPT + county name" - and follow the links which come up and self-refer.

GP in the interim can prescribe you a short term something - for anxiety, or sleep - to help you calm your body down to benefit from talking therapies - and all of this will enhance your abilities to cope with real, lived, genuine problems.

Hi! So sorry you're feeling this way. I work at Mind and we offer so many different types of support. They differ slightly by location, but if you give your local Mind office a call they will be able to have a chat with you about how they can help

I've had counselling before and it frustrates me because it doesn't change anything. I know bottling things up isn't good hence wanting to speak to someone but nobody can fix the pain and loneliness I'm feeling.

Maybe if you don't want to talk because it's frustrating and you don't want medication set out a list of your problems as you perceive them,
Really break them down, what's the issue, what harm is it causing in your life etc

Then start to tackle anything you can on there that can be changed! One tiny baby step at a time if need be

Thank you. I bit the bullet and called my GP, surprisingly they didnt suggest ADs until I'd explored other options so I have the number of my local wellbeing service. Also just bought some Kalms, I'm not sleeping well and I think it makes everything worse - it's a vicious circle.

Well done for calling GP, it's not easy. How are you feeling?

Thank you, I’m relieved to have done something but feel sad that it’s come to this.

Have you tried therapy? Actual therapy that changes your behaviours, not just counselling?

That can make a huge difference but you'd probably have to pay privately to get it soon. NHS waiting lists are huge.

Hi OP
Well done. Wondering what you mean by “feel sad it’s come to this?”. Is it a sign of weakness you think to take initiative, take action and take charge of sorting support for yourself? To me it speaks of agency, pro active initiative taking and a general attitude to make things better.

@NavigationCentral it feels sad that I’ve had to but I recognise it’s a good thing to do. But also as @nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut says I may need more than the NHS has resources for x

Kids can be so wise can’t they. My dd told me tonight if anyone today had experienced what I have they would have had so much support but it didn’t happen 20/30 years ago, different times. Makes me feel better about needing it though. And also determined to talk to a professional not her, she’s amazing but not her job - time to break the cycle.

Kids are great at picking up on stuff. Will you contact a therapist do you mean?

I’m speaking to someone tomorrow, hopefully this is the first step.