I apologise for what I am about to write but I need to release these memories or I think I’m going to go completely crazy. I’m 40 and recently all I can think of is my childhood and most of all my mother. My dad was a drunk and would attack my mum in front of me and my last memory of this was when I was around three. She then got herself a married man who was violent exposed me to sexual abuse and drugs would be in the house. I remember when I was around 4-5 no older she put me through a really terrifying ordeal were she beat me then told me what she thought of me and made me pack my clothes in a plastic bag and through me out of the house. This happened a handful of times which also involved her making me take my baby sister with me. She would call me back but she would allow me to get to the top of the road holding my sisters hand completely terrified before she did. This type of behaviour would continue but with the violence against me getting worse as I got older. I never had the confidence to answer her back or run away as she always said if I told anyone her business I wouldn’t see my sister again. She told me I was a lair when I told her that her bf abused me and later on told me that I wanted it. She once had sex with her bf when my sister and I sept on her bedroom floor because her friend had our room. She would walk around the house undressed and he would always have his hands touching her breasts. She has completely broken me. I am sitting here and I feel completely broken. These feelings have been compressed for so long but I feel less able to keep them hidden. Is there something wrong with me. Is it even possible to be fixed?