Advice specifically on high functioning anxiety

[Lastnamefirst]

Would be grateful for any help. I suffer with high functioning anxiety (I’m aware this is not a diagnosis technically speaking, but I literally fit the description absolutely perfectly). I’ve never taken any time off work but sometimes the anxiety can be debilitating and I can feel as if I can barely breathe for long periods of time. I find it very difficult to cope with error (or the possibility or prospect of error) and I’m incredibly self-critical. I’m getting to the stage now where it just exhausts me and my productivity is low.

Has anyone got any advice – particular books, online programs or even particular therapists (London)?

This is me too. I function, hold down a job etc but I can go days and days hiding my anxiety and just want to run away most of the time. It’s horrible and sometimes I wonder how I’ve not completely crumbled - hence my username! I’ve come to the long overdue conclusion I am a people pleaser who is afraid of failure and that’s a lot to do with it.

I don’t know what works, hope maybe that it will pass? I’ve tried all the apps, therapy etc and maybe I just have to accept this is who I am. Which is pretty shit. I hate it.

I do listen to a lot of podcasts or audiobooks when I’m anxious, not actually about anxiety but all sorts of stuff to distract me. I do cross stitch (Emily peacock) because it’s mindless and repetitive and if I feel truly awful I go to bed and do the above there.

Someone recommended the ‘miracle morning’ and I’ve heard good things about it so might try that next.

I'm like this, I am 42. My current understanding of it is that it is largely the result of abuse and conditioning by the abuser to feel that my opinion doesn't matter / isn't good enough. I doubt everything.

The thing that helped me long term (rather than being a short term fix in a moment of crisis) was regular, religiously regular exercise to the tune of 2hrs every day. I don't thing that an average person needs this much but I believe that I do.

*I don't think...

Are you on any medication? I’m the same, never had a day off work due to anxiety but it can be really bad and has a big impact on my life. I started sertraline about 8 months ago and it’s definitely take the edge off it.

I agree with the PP about exercise. I changed careers and am now a gardener. Nothing calms my mind down like physical activity. Also when I am particularly anxious about something it really helps me to talk it through with my sister and she'll question me, asking what exactly is it I think might happen and then we talk about what is actually more likely to happen. I guess you could do this a by journaling but I think talking it through with someone who knows you really well and understands anxiety is easier.
Eating healthily and sleeping plenty also helps me.
I still feel like my anxiety is sometimes out of control though. I had my first baby last year and I feel like I've reached a whole new level of anxiety

Me too

CBT but you have to work at it
Also if you are really suffering right now you could talk to your Gp about a low dose of an anti-anxiety med while you work on CBT

Other than that - enough sleep, excercise, good diet, control your working hours, have a life outside work, spend time in nature, keep a gratitude and pride diary... they all massively help - and it also helps to keep an eye out for when they are slipping.

Some people find mediation or yoga useful, also morning pages.

I’d book CBT, see your GP, and do the rest one at a time.

I'm 41 and it's only just dawning on me that I have this. I'm.completed an online questionnaire through my gp and have requested some anxiety medication . I've had counselling and it really helped but can't afford it right now. Gp is phoning tomorrow so I hope they help me as it was so incredibly difficult to even make the request in the first place 😪

I’ve found Brene Brown’s books on vulnerability helpful. It’s about allowing yourself to be vulnerable or make mistakes. She explains it a lot better than me!

I’m like this. In the end it affected me so badly at work that I’ve ended up applying for ill health retirement. I just couldn’t cope any longer with holding down a very stressful job and trying to deal with the anxiety at the same time.

Mental health appointments were also meaning l was taking so much time off.

I don’t have any advice, l just blew up and that was it. 7 anxiety absences in the last few years.

You just have my immense sympathy.

Me too! Always been a very anxious person but not realised I fit this description until recently either. I put myself under intense pressure both at home and work (I have a v stressful job anyway) and can really struggle when I don't meet my own high standards of performance!

I don't get a lot of praise/support at work which doesn't help as it only makes me think I need to work even harder. Many days I think I could easily crack under the strain. What helps is that I've got a really strong interest in Buddhism and mindfulness and I read a lot around it. It really helps to take control of the anxiety and to stop the thoughts spiralling out of proportion. Would thoroughly recommend to anyone interested the books by Pema Chodron e.g When things fall apart' as a starting point. Puts it all in perspective and has genuinely helped me manage my anxiety

We have a lot of anxiety in our family. I discovered this can be linked to infant / primative reflexes not going dormant - if they don't go dormant as a small child it doesn't allow parts of the brain to get fully developed. So some people with anxiety have it because they are in a constant flight or fright mode. You are constantly on high alert looking for signs of danger so adrenaline is going through your body making it hard to relax. Simple brushing techniques can trigger the nervous system to finish developing.
Vit D can also help with anxiety.

Many thanks everyone. Reading these messages has made me correlate things getting worse to worse diet and lack of exercise in recent months so this is something I’m going to address. I’ll also try cbt and some of the books mentioned. Any cbt resources online people have found helpful? I don’t mind paying. Or any good psychologists you can recommend (London)? Medication wise - I take a fair amount of propranolol which I get from an online pharmacy but of course this only masks things. I can’t get the other medications online and I don’t want to see my GP as I don’t want anything on my medical records. I’m a doctor myself and worry about people reading this on my notes/having to declare to occupational health whenever I start a new job. We would also like to TTC in perhaps 6 to 12 months and I’d want to have my maternity care where I work (I don’t trust anywhere else - probably part of the high functioning anxiety!) so don’t want colleagues seeing anything.

I find it so depressing that as a doctor yourself, you’re afraid to admit you’re suffering from a MH health condition and seek medical help for it, because it’ll end up on your records. 💐 It’s horrible to think that you’re suffering, presumably because you think asking for help will damage your career/reputation? Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, OP, it’s an illness like any other.

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice, because I had to seek help for my anxiety after having a near breakdown a few years ago. I’m diagnosed with GAD, had some CBT and was on Escitalopram for nearly two years. It definitely helped me. I’m off it now and my anxiety has increased again, but I’m trying to control it through regular exercise and trying to put things in proportion e.g., when work is stressful, I tell myself that it’s not a life-or-death situation, what’s the worst that could happen,

@Lastnamefirst most people suffer from anxiety at points in their lives. Nothing has gone wrong with you.

I suffered from perfectionism for years. It got to the point where I was absolutely stuck and anxious which turned into procrastination. If I didn't start a project, so my thinking went, then I couldn't fail. But by not taking action I was only failing ahead of time! It was paralysing.

If you're worried about error/failure these 2 things helped me:

Accept B- level work. Learn that doing something is better than worrying about it being perfect.

Learn to feel the feelings that come up (mine was fear of failure) and if worst case scenario triggers you (it did me - I could go from 'I won't do well at my job' to 'losing my house' in a heartbeat) sit down and go the worst case scenario. Really go there, feel it, don't run from it. Then look at what you think will happen (the worst case) and see that (as was the case with me) most of it is just your brain running around screaming rather than any of it being remotely probable.

These days I'm a fan of failure (yep, I understand how weird that sounds) because it's the way to grow. I have a podcast on how to deal with anxiety and procrastination and so on but am not sure if I'm allowed to name it here (don't want to breach Mumsnet rules).

For me, realising that the voice in my head is a big fat liar, really helped. I’ve discovered that the feeling of anxiety comes first, and then my brain provides an explanation (I’m so lonely, I’m terrified of this or that). But if I just sit and concentrate on the feeling and explore it a bit, without attaching a story to it, it often turns out to be just a feeling, and it fades off a bit once I pay close attention to it.

Mine is linked to pms but can also be set off by other factors like sleep, eating properly, and if there are things that are actually worrying me.

I haven’t had an actual panic attack in a long time but when I feel it cone on, I try and meet it with curiousity (what’s all this about then?) rather than panicking because I’m panicking! I find if I focus on what it feels like in my body, I sometimes have a memory pop up.

I have to watch my tendency to let things pile up, or to put things that make me feel anxious on the long finger.

Doing a brain dump (google it) is great and I keep a notebook close so I can jot notes to myself if I think of something I need to do. Sometimes I’ll schedule a power hour to sit and ring/email for appointments etc and do things that are niggling away at me.

Distraction and escapism (podcasts, MN, books,tv) can help a bit in the short term but I’ve learned to spot that I’m doing that too. Sometimes I need periods of silence (introvert) and drowning out the anxiety takes a toll on me. Walking helps, especially in nature so I try to get out everyday.

I’ve been working hard on self acceptance too. It’s taken a while but I just don’t do guilt and perfectionism anymore.

It’s not a quick fix; more of a mindset. When I started counselling I wanted to get rid of my anxiety, but I’ve found that accepting it as part of me has got me further.

@Lastnamefirst

Many thanks everyone. Reading these messages has made me correlate things getting worse to worse diet and lack of exercise in recent months so this is something I’m going to address. I’ll also try cbt and some of the books mentioned. Any cbt resources online people have found helpful? I don’t mind paying. Or any good psychologists you can recommend (London)? Medication wise - I take a fair amount of propranolol which I get from an online pharmacy but of course this only masks things. I can’t get the other medications online and I don’t want to see my GP as I don’t want anything on my medical records. I’m a doctor myself and worry about people reading this on my notes/having to declare to occupational health whenever I start a new job. We would also like to TTC in perhaps 6 to 12 months and I’d want to have my maternity care where I work (I don’t trust anywhere else - probably part of the high functioning anxiety!) so don’t want colleagues seeing anything.

This is an excellent site for free CBT - llttf.com/

Was set up by - Dr Chris Williams is Emeritus Professor of Psychosocial Psychiatry at the University of Glasgow, Scotland, UK and a Fellow of the Royal College of Psychiatrists. His main clinical and research interest is in the evaluation of educational self-help approaches based on the cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach (text taken from the site)

@thelegohooverer - yes! The more we all start thinking the voice in our head is a liar the better!

There’s some excellent advice here Lastnamefirst, if you can find the money I highly recommend private therapy, I went down this route as a last resort due to NHS failures - I am in my late 40s & have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD due to childhood trauma, one of the many symptoms is crippling anxiety. All through my adult life the NHS failed to pick up on my condition, in finding out I have been suffering from CPTSD I also realised that it is going undiagnosed in so many more people, that NHS mental health services are wholly inadequate & extremely damaging (long waiting lists & eventually very poor care made me worse, I am lucky to be alive). I have a very good therapist who specialises in trauma mainly using compassion & CBT techniques, my anxiety has been paralysing but I have been making good progress, it is hard work though. I think as anxiety sufferers we are very hard on ourselves so compassion based therapies are good for dealing with this.

[quote AnnaCharles888]@Lastnamefirst most people suffer from anxiety at points in their lives. Nothing has gone wrong with you.

I suffered from perfectionism for years. It got to the point where I was absolutely stuck and anxious which turned into procrastination. If I didn't start a project, so my thinking went, then I couldn't fail. But by not taking action I was only failing ahead of time! It was paralysing.

If you're worried about error/failure these 2 things helped me:

Accept B- level work. Learn that doing something is better than worrying about it being perfect.

Learn to feel the feelings that come up (mine was fear of failure) and if worst case scenario triggers you (it did me - I could go from 'I won't do well at my job' to 'losing my house' in a heartbeat) sit down and go the worst case scenario. Really go there, feel it, don't run from it. Then look at what you think will happen (the worst case) and see that (as was the case with me) most of it is just your brain running around screaming rather than any of it being remotely probable.

These days I'm a fan of failure (yep, I understand how weird that sounds) because it's the way to grow. I have a podcast on how to deal with anxiety and procrastination and so on but am not sure if I'm allowed to name it here (don't want to breach Mumsnet rules).[/quote]
I’d be very interested in your podcast, can you please pm me a link, thanks so much

I'm the same and never had to take time off but I do make my boss aware when it's bad as it can affect my concentration and efficiency. Ironically I find working helps. I got in touch with NHS and referred to an online programme called silvercloud which helps.

[quote AnnaCharles888]@thelegohooverer - yes! The more we all start thinking the voice in our head is a liar the better![/quote]
definitely, excellent words from @thelegohooverer

Is your anxiety linked to anything like abuse or other trauma? I had what I think could be high-functioning anxiety for years but am now less high-functioning due to other medical problems. I've recently started trauma therapy and I was quite sceptical about it but it seems to work - my anxiety about one particular thing has really diminished after a couple of targeted sessions. Years of CBT didn't help me at all because my therapist thought the way to deal with trauma was to avoid it, and told me to remember that being anxious wouldn't actually help me ). I am on a an unusual anti-depressant too - if you think different meds could help could you see a psychiatrist privately so it's not on your notes (not sure how it works for you or whether you'd still have to declare it).

@MountainDweller

Is your anxiety linked to anything like abuse or other trauma? I had what I think could be high-functioning anxiety for years but am now less high-functioning due to other medical problems. I've recently started trauma therapy and I was quite sceptical about it but it seems to work - my anxiety about one particular thing has really diminished after a couple of targeted sessions. Years of CBT didn't help me at all because my therapist thought the way to deal with trauma was to avoid it, and told me to remember that being anxious wouldn't actually help me ). I am on a an unusual anti-depressant too - if you think different meds could help could you see a psychiatrist privately so it's not on your notes (not sure how it works for you or whether you'd still have to declare it).

I found that CBT made me worse so was against doing it again but if it is combined with other therapies it can work well. I think initially it can be good to get you out of a hole but it’s a good idea to go on to address the underlying issues. I was looking to do EMDR as had heard good things about it helping with trauma, it isn’t so helpful though in dealing with prolonged periods of trauma so trauma/compassion/CBT therapy is what is helping me, I am also doing somatic meditations & exercises. It’s been fascinating learning about how past trauma is stored in the body, also feeling it & releasing it from my own body. I think more attention needs to be paid to how trauma has a role to play in many peoples mental health issues, it’s obvious that it is the reason as to why many are not getting better.

I’d like a link to the podcast too please. I’m trying to manage my anxiety through being outdoors and exercise but often I just want to crawl into a closet and shut everything out.

I have found the Dr Claire Weekes book very useful and use it to manage panic.