Uncontrollable anger - please help

[Mamabear931]

I’ve always been an extremely placid person, me and my partner were together 5 years before having our baby and we never argued, bickered the odd time but that’s it. In fact I don’t recall ever really shouting or raising my voice at anyone ever in my life until recently .

I’ve always been quiet and reserved, however since having my baby (I’m 10 months PP) I’ve had awful uncontrollable anger outbursts and quite honestly I’m really scared. I feel so unlike myself that I don’t know what I’ll do when I’m angry and it really scares me.

My son has been a very difficult baby since birth and as time goes on I can feel myself losing my temper more and more, especially when he doesn’t go to sleep. He’s never been a good sleeper but at the moment he’s refusing to nap in the day but he’s so tired that he’s screaming for hours on end and it goes right through me. Nothing stops it, he hates the car, pram, high chair, sometimes TV distracts him for a while but it just makes him more overtired.

I feel so awful because I know he doesn’t understand but today I ended up just screaming at the top of my voice along with him because I was so angry. He got a fright and it made him cry more and I feel awful now that I’ve calmed down and he’s gone to sleep. I feel like I’m constantly ready to blow.

Me and my partner aren’t in a good place as he doesn’t help out when he’s home so I’m absolutely exhausted. My son still wakes up 4 times a night and I’ve never had a night off or any help at night since he was born. My partner just doesn’t want to help, I have tried so many times to ask out of desperation but he doesn’t take it seriously.

I don’t know what to do, I have PPD (or had) but my mood overall seemed better so I weaned off sertraline I was prescribed, but the anger seems to have taken over now. I feel like a failure.

You are angry because you are exhausted and never getting a break.

You need a break. Tell your DP you are leaving and you will be back in a certain amount of hours. Then go somewhere and just sit there without the baby.

Completely understandable. You're knackered! Can I suggest noise cancelling headphones? If you know baba has had its needs met and its just fussiness etc they can really help. Big hugs x

I could have written your post!
I get moments of anger and have PND Too. Coupled with sleep deprivation and not getting a break (for me, anyway) it feels like it’s almost inevitable. My baby is 10 months and whilst I never show my anger or frustration to her, I do get fed up when she fights sleep or wakes up 5 times a night (she’s never slept for more than 2.5 hours at a time. Exhausted isn’t the word, right?!)

I hear you completely but don’t have any advice, sorry. Just solidarity! x

Sometimes I have to scream at the top of my lungs in the next room! 😩 do you have anyone who can take him for a few hours to give you a break, like a family member?

This is what happens when you are exhausted and doing it all yourself. I wish I could take the baby for a while so you could have a nap! Do you have family or close friends - now is the time to ask.

I think your anger will also be related to your partner failing to step up. In time you can decide if your relationship is worth persevering with as it sounds like you are bringing up your child alone anyway. My friend's partner totally checked out when they had a baby, and unsurprisingly she divorced him when her child was quite young and ironically life was easier.

Good for you for reaching out.

I found that age unbelievably frustrating and tiring and definitely lost my shit at times. It is not you.

Can you pay for someone to take him an afternoon or an evening and just go to bed for some uninterrupted sleep?

You are definitely not a failure. It’s so hard and you are doing this through the weirdest time.