Depression or grief

[Polkadotties]

I have previously been diagnosed with depression, most likely caused by hormonal imbalance due to PCOS. However I have been medication free since last summer. I believe lockdown and being able to work from home had a massive positive effect on my mental health.
In December my granny died. It’s affected me massively. When ever I think of her I start crying. Even typing this I’m crying. Is this normal? Is this just grief? Or should I be going back to the doctors and asking to be put back on Fluoxtine?
I was very close to my granny, she was the last of my grandparents to go and I wasn’t like this with the other 3.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's 5 months now, I think it would be worth you asking your GP this question, just as you've asked us. It's possible that something like CBT or mindfulness might help you get your brain out of this loop too.

I’m so sorry to hear about your granny. It sounds like you cared for her deeply.

There’s a lovely essay by Zadie Smith in which she quotes the author Julian Barnes who wrote about loss: “It hurts just as much as it was worth.” When you lose someone who was worth so much, it can take a while to process it. I don’t think you can put a timeline on grief - give yourself the space to be sad and it will help you to heal.

I found it very hard to talk about my Mum without the tears coming for a year after she died. She has been gone since 2005 and sometimes I hear a song that reminds me of her or remember something she did and start crying! I don’t think crying is a bad thing, it means the person who died had a real impact on you and you miss their presence in the world.

But if it’s more than crying and feeling sad about your granny’s death and there is a pervading hopelessness that spills over into your everyday life and causes difficulty functioning, then perhaps it’s something more. This article might help:

www.verywellmind.com/grief-and-depression-1067237

I found Yoga with Adriene very helpful (she has a video on YouTube for grief which is very gentle).

I’d get back in them
I’m sorry for your loss
I wouldn’t even analyse why
Just look after yourself

I would say 5 months is no time when you have lost someone you love deeply. Grief just hits you in waves. If the tablets will help then you should take them.