Just started with IAPT counsellor, handhold would help

[Notcomfortablynumbatall]

After 9 months on the IAPT list I’ve made it to the top and have just started with my allocated counsellor, it’s not CBT but “counselling for depression.”

First session was last week, and since then I’ve just felt horrific, I know that the only way to make progress is to talk about how I feel, but it’s like ripping a bandage off or re-breaking a leg, just bringing everything about how I feel pointless and worthless up to the surface.

Is this how it is? Does it get better?

Apparently I can have up to 20 weeks.

It really shouldn't make you feel like this - a first session should (if anything other than fact finding) reassure you that you're feelings, thoughts and experiences are normal and that you will be helped to help yourself.

Try reading this -

www.getselfhelp.co.ukdocs/SelfHelpCourse.pdf

Argh! Your, not you're!

It does get better. It is sometimes a bit like deciding to clear out a cupboard and you get to that stage where everything is out all over the place and you don't know what you want to keep or get rid of or where to put anything.
But slowly you work things out and things shift and you decide what you do and don't want to keep.
I'd say, just be honest with your counsellor about how you have felt this week. Sometimes if you do e into things too quickly you can end up "retraumatising" yourself which is where you feel the intensity of the feelings too strongly and without enough support so it reinforces a negative pattern. Your therapist should be able to help you prevent that from happening but it isn't an exact science and you and they won't always be able to get it totally right. The more you can give them feedback on how you have been feeling the more they can support you.

I agree with @EducatingArti tell your therapist how you feel. They're there to help you.

@Sarahlou63

Argh! Your, not you're!

Thanks but CBT doesn’t help me at all.

CBT didn't help me either!

It can be really rough at times, be honest with your counsellor about it and try and be kind to yourself whilst your going through the sessions. It will get easier x

Thanks Educating and Roadwarrior - next appointment is Tuesday and I’ll make a note to speak about it. I have had so much talking therapy and nothing ever changes, I have lost hope with it but can’t go on as things are.

I think you need to get the right kind for you. I've been having Gestalt therapy privately and it has made a slow difference ( improvement).

I’m stuck with what the NHS want to give me at the moment. The best thing I ever did was a small women-only psychodrama group because it was about feeling not talking. Hadn’t realised quite how angry I was about certain things.

You do feel worse before you feel better. The way my counsellor explained it was that in order to resolve your emotions you had to process them and to do that, you have to feel them without trying to suppress them or shame yourself for them.

That makes sense. I’m rather stuck on rage and fear at the moment, hoping to access a broader range!

A lot of the time its buried deep because emotions aren't seen as socially acceptable. I had no idea how angry I was. I presented as anxious and deeply depressed. No reaction to anything for months. After nearly a year I started to trust my counsellor more and that was when more feelings started to surface. He said he was relieved to see a bit of anger in me, that he was starting to worry that I'd just given up and had no energy left to fight.

Work through the dominant emotions and you'll get to what's underneath.

Crashed and burned after 4 sessions. She keeps “reflecting back” what I’ve told her but getting facts wrong, so either I’m not communicating clearly or she’s not listening. Also I asked her to turn off her email notifications or whatever it was that kept pinging every few minutes and she got the proper hump.

Awaiting a call with the manager to ask if I can have someone else but I don’t know if IAPT allows that.

name change fail!