My anxiety tells me everyone hates me

[IDontKnowHowToBeBetter]

Just that really. I over analyse every conversation and interaction, and I always come away thinking everyone hates me. I'm so bloody tired of it. I don't know what to do. Anyone else?

@IDontKnowHowToBeBetter

Just that really. I over analyse every conversation and interaction, and I always come away thinking everyone hates me. I'm so bloody tired of it. I don't know what to do. Anyone else?

At work, I always think people are talking about me (negatively) as soon as I leave a room. This stems from a toxic Uni house share (many moons ago)

Me too. Even when I am in the same space, and I constantly think that I am going to be sacked. I can't get over it at all, and it's just awful and miserable.

Are you seeking support with it?

I wouldn’t necessarily agree with the term “hate” (as for myself) but I do repeat conversations regularly inside my head afterwards and think I haven’t come across well/should be funnier/smarter/more interesting. It all comes down to a lack of confidence which is really frustrating at times.

I've been through extensive cbt before, and taken medication, but no, not at the moment. I do need to though, I know.

The key is I think to accept that addressing it won’t be super quick but that it is possible. With the right kind of help.

People respond to different things, but for me, it was free of cost, local IAPT based CBT via Mind Matters that’s doing the trick. It took two installements - one set of 6 sessions last year with a wonderful CBT therapist who helped take edge and intensity off experiences. And then this year a set of 10 with another excellent CBT therapist who picked up where last years left off and took me straight into early childhood and teenage and is doing wonderful work in re writing core beliefs and rules and assumptions about myself and the world.

It’s remarkable how the progress is cumulative, and adds layers over a year and how it is absolutely possible to address things.

I cannot recommend Mind Matters highly enough. It’s free, zero cost to us as users.

I think it's more than a lack of confidence for me, it's a definite pathology if some kind. Every word, tone, look etc, all just weigh on me extremely heavily. It's not normal.

I am like this too. I have tried to think differently but its like logically I can tell myself they don't hate me but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me they do. I'll send a very normal message to a group chat and suddenly, for no reason, panic that I've said something totally ridiculous and they all hate me.

There's times when it's better than others and when it's really bad I try to think whether I'd think the same on a good day. That's probably not helpful if you don't have better days.

Anyway just wanted you to know you're not alone and whilst this problem has really impacted my life and continues to do so, I do believe it can be overcome and I hope you find a way.

Thank you everyone. I do understand. On a good day I can rationalise it, but good days are rarer than bad days at the moment, and I can swing wildly between the 2 at any given moment.

This is absolutely me. The logical non-anxious brain knows its not true because I try to be pleasant and not rude so there is no reason not to be liked or at least viewed neutrally... but the anxious bit can be strong sometimes. CBT definitely helps. I did hear another tip that when you get a thought like "noone likes me" in your brain, you should try singing it to a tune, or saying it in a funny voice like bugs bunny over and over until it just seems like nonsense and the sting comes out of it.

I have this kind of thing too. I constantly need praise and reassurance- if I don't get these I just assume I'm going to get the sack/ everyone MUST talk about me behind my back and EVERYONE hates me. It's rubbish, but I use CBT and it makes me feel loads better about everything. One thing I find that helps is challenging the self- negging when I notice it. I use a CBT app on my phone so it's always handy.

CBT helped me understand a few things -

1. Negative life experiences (childhood/youth) - which led to

1. Negative core beliefs about myself (I am not good enough for others) and negative core beliefs about the world (others won’t like me + awful, catastrophic things would Happen). These core beliefs make great sense because they are rooted in negative life experiences!

1. These beliefs give rise to fairly strict “rules” and “assumptions”. Rules are rigid hard things we don’t even know we have. An example of a rule might be “IF someone sends me an email shorter than 4 sentences at least THEN they are being terse with me”. Or perhaps “IF someone cuts me short THEN I am small and rejected”. I am making these up - you’ll have your own micro micro rules.

1. CBT then gets me to ask myself how am I finding life with these rules? How are they triggered? Do they have some benefits? Do they hold me down? Can I tweak them

A bit?

1. And then you start tweaking those rules just a bit. So you might try out a tweak like “IF someone cuts me short in a meeting THEN I will surely feel very sad BUT I will (insert small change of action that isn’t mega big but just a change).

Over time you begin to see quite how many many many rules you have accumulated, how often they get triggered and how many times a day you get drawn into spirals of anxiety.

Overtime the water gets cleared and clearer. You begin to “catch” these triggering moments. You become less enslaved to the spirals.

It takes time. And then one day you are free (ish)

:)

Take some time to really read and work through this maybe - but nothing replaces a good therapist. www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Improving-Self-Esteem/Improving-Self-Esteem---07---Adjusting-Rules-and-Assumptions.pdf

Think of it as a project. Projects take time to develop, and enact.

@Veryverycalmnow can I ask what the CBT app is please?