When will it end?

[Inkdrinker]

For a long time I've been depressed. I attempted suicide multiple times in 2017 but I have I guess come a long way from that.

I'm just tired of being depressed. Of all the failed medications, I've been on tons of anti depressants and none have helped. I'm on pregablin for anxiety which thankfully has helped massively for that part.

I'm exhausted all the time, I'm just trying to go through the motions and even I can't do that most of the time. There are times I spend days in bed. I nap daily but I'm still exhausted. Life is mundane, I struggle doing the same things over and over without actually feeling like I'm accomplishing anything. Get up, get kids dressed, breakfast, brush teeth, rinse and repeat. It's exhausting.

I have really let myself go because what's the point? I'm fat, I don't use make up anymore, I don't wear nice clothes, I have to force myself to shower but I spend all day every day in pajamas.

I don't want to keep living if this is what I have to do for much longer. It's so mundane it's exhausting.

Also, no point in speaking to gp, they're useless. I'm on waiting list for psychiatrist appointment but it could take months and the last time we spoke he said medication wise there isn't much more he can do.

Feel like there really isn't any hope left. If medication hasn't helped. What can I do

Keep talking on here. I feel exactly the same. Exactly. I have not attempted suicide but wish not to wake up most days. I don’t want to spend another day like this snd don’t know to stop it. I feel for you

@Inkdrinker

For a long time I've been depressed. I attempted suicide multiple times in 2017 but I have I guess come a long way from that.

I'm just tired of being depressed. Of all the failed medications, I've been on tons of anti depressants and none have helped. I'm on pregablin for anxiety which thankfully has helped massively for that part.

I'm exhausted all the time, I'm just trying to go through the motions and even I can't do that most of the time. There are times I spend days in bed. I nap daily but I'm still exhausted. Life is mundane, I struggle doing the same things over and over without actually feeling like I'm accomplishing anything. Get up, get kids dressed, breakfast, brush teeth, rinse and repeat. It's exhausting.

I have really let myself go because what's the point? I'm fat, I don't use make up anymore, I don't wear nice clothes, I have to force myself to shower but I spend all day every day in pajamas.

I don't want to keep living if this is what I have to do for much longer. It's so mundane it's exhausting.

Sending hugs. I am exactly the same. Struggling a lot and wondering if things can get better. I'm having private counselling and we are working through a lot of things which is helping. Seems my depression is likely down to childhood trauma, which I never, ever expected. If you can afford private counselling that could be of some aid.

There are charities like the Samaritans who you can talk to when you are struggling.

I'm sorry I can't offer much more in the way of help as I too am unsure what to do next. Sending hugs

Just here to say you’re not alone. I spent an hour on the phone to PAPYRUS helpline earlier because I felt so close to acting on these feelings and it scared me. Keep talking, the woman on the phone actually really helped and I’d never have thought I’d be someone who would be helped by these phone lines. If you can afford to therapy might help, but I know it is expensive. I sometimes wish there was a support group to go to, like AA, but for depression/anxiety, but then I don’t know if I’d be brave enough to go - would be scared that there’d be someone I knew there or something.

Please keep talking. There are some good organisations out there and some lovely people who know exactly how you are feeling.
Sorry to hear about the GPs but I do think you need to speak to them again very soon. You know you need help and have made a very important step by coming on here, keep making those little steps...💐

It's just so unenjoyable now. I know I need to change something, I need to do something but God knows what. I don't have enough money for counselling at the moment. I know its my fault that I'm like this, I'm not a nice person, I'm fat and lazy, I don't do anything and when I do, its never good enough. I'm sick of living like this. I'm tired of constantly feeling not good enough. I'm tired of being alive, I'm just fed up of being this fucking mess and burden to people

My partner is already doing pretty much everything for me and the kids. He's feeling low too and he's asked if I can do a little more and I can't even explain how upset this made me. I nodded but went upstairs and sobbed because I can't do what I'm doing now, let alone anything more. I want out. It's all too much. The things he asking aren't big things, they're things that every normal functioning person can do but I can't. I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of it all

OP: Just do what you can but never ever think that suicide is the way out. A family friend commited suicide and he left behind 2 sons and his wife. The whole community has been absolutely devastated especially his immediate family. Even running away would be better than suicide. im not suggesting you do that but please don't ever choose that as an option.

Could you borrow some money somehow for counselling ? Or online once i found an online free counselling service. Keep reaching out as you are on here and talking. You are not alone and your life wont always be this way. Keep taking baby steps towards improving your life, it wont happen all at once. Every little step you take each day like showering and cleaning your teeth is a step in the right direction. Tonight why not lay out some clothes to wear for tomorrow after your shower. I promise you'll feel better. Everyone feels crap about themselves in pyjamas. You can do it xx