How can anyone tell if there's something wrong right now?

[onemorenumber]

Genuine question, not being goady.

None of us are living 'normally' at the moment, and we haven't been for quite some time. So how do you tell if you there's a problem with you, or if your behaviour is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation? We've been in this state for more than a year, and I can't tell if it's to blame, or a disguise.

I have so many classic signs of depression and anxiety, but it's also entirely possible I'm just lazy, and being worried about a new disease is not an irrational response.

I feel restless but apathetic at the same time, and I don't know if I need to do something about it, or if I should just accept this is the way of the world right now, and everyone else feels equally despondent.

I mean, normally you look at whether something has lasted more than 12 months, but this situation has lasted more than 12 months... I just don't know.

Anyway... just shouting into the void here. Not entirely sure what I'm expecting to accomplish from this post.

It’s difficult to know.

But generally I’d say a reaction that is disproportionate to the situation, and the length of time it goes on for. Also depression/anxiety have physical and cognitive symptoms that go further than just emotions, and how much that impacts on how a person functions in day to day life.

Reminds me of the phrase 'a normal person, living in an abnormal situation, behaving abnormally...is normal'

Collectively, we've had to drive deep into the heart of the human experience in a short space of time. And it's a deep expanding thing.

The structures that have supported the way we exist haven't grown at the same pace as us. They've been left to ruin.

This Covid situation has exposed the unsustainability of almost everything! It'll be used as an excuse for many things, for a long time to come. I heard the term 'The Covid Generation' this week :(

A few re-occuring thoughts for me are:

• Human isolation being normalised - we're a tribal species ffs! We exist as an interplay. We're not meant to exist behind this modern invention they call a door.
• The shift of vital human interaction onto the interweb where we're monitored and given a carefully calculated experience: Buy! Consume! Live in the latest fear! It's the new normal! Yay!...Very sinister indeed.
• Qualifications such as GCSEs - They used to be a motivator:

'Behave, work hard, focus, revise, good grades, job, career, sorted!'. They're continuing to crumble. They can't be accessed by a great many and guarantee nothing. But because they are a structure for: businesses, companies, the state, The Man...so the story will continue for now.

• Education in general - I have half an idea (ten years into teaching) of what we could be demonstrating to the young folk: wisdom, courage, truth, love, the skill of developing our selves, sharing, beauty, nature, sustainability, music, yadda yadda...despite a lot of dedication, and our grand human experience as evidence!, it's slow on the uptake...It is happening though :)

TL:DR
You're not alone. Your spider senses are working perfectly. The situation we've been roped into is ten thousand forms of madness!

And you're not lazy. When you discover your element you'll be all over it. It'll be an obsession. Wild horses couldn't drag you away from it.

Yeah
I'm not feeling good at all but I am convinced it's corona ennui. I feel anxious and tearful and lacking in joy. I feel how I did when I was depressed but I don't feel as hopeless as I am pretty sure it will pass. Whereas when depressed I didn't feel that way. I think mental health symptoms are inevitable for most people to some degree at the moment.

I hear you, op.

have just returned from a walk where I thought just this and nearly burst into tears in public.

I have to support others in my job. I have none of the usual support myself due to bloody COVID and my partner and family being stuck hours away abroad. It's awful, I'm on my last strand of patience and the thought of doing it much longer makes me despair. I can't even look at the news.

It's so hard when I know in normal circumstances I'd be doing some pretty amazing things this year but it's cancellation after cancellation for a second year. And I also appreciate how lucky I am in many respects so feel guilty for struggling.

for everyone, this really can't go on forever. I do think the trauma will take some time to wear off though.

@carlywurly I'm really sorry you're struggling. I know what you mean - some things are bad, but other people have things even worse - it can be hard to give yourself permission to be upset. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job of being the glue for other people. You deserve some glue of your own!

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep I've never suffered from depression before, so I have nothing to compare it to, but I can definitely relate to lacking in joy. I hope it will pass, but I don't have a great deal of confidence either way. Sorry you're feeling so down, but thank you for admitting it - you've helped me with the solidarity. I do hope things get better for you too.

@Takelongwalksandwaitfordogs I still can't quite absorb what's happened. I know it's been over a year, but I feel like I blinked and the world caught fire. Measuring time is hard. I guess we're going to be the subject of lots of dystopian films in a decade's time or so. It's really weird to think about how this period will be reflected. I do feel so sorry for the kids who have had their exams disrupted. Things have been getting tougher and tougher for young people years, but last year really took the biscuit.

I know what you're saying...

Just last night I was Googling away depression and stress questionnaires on the nhs to see if I'm at a level to seek help.
I don't want to tell anyone either.
I have family members who suffer terribly with their mental health and I know I'm not where they are with it so feel like I should brush it off and hope tomorrow will be a better day - plus don't want to burden others - I'm the rock everyone leans on (or at least that's how I've been feeling for a year or two).

I've never suffered personally before and knowing others I know suffer so badly I'm just not sure if just life is a bit much now and everyone is feeling it some way or if I should be looking for help.

Found out yesterday someone I knew very briefly when I was about 20 at uni passed away suddenly - he could only be about 40 - leaving a wife and young kids... (not covid) he's a friend of a friend and the amount of tears I've shed is not normal. I guess it's the fact of how delicate life is is making me anxious. Lost my dad suddenly two years ago - he was only 69 and almost lost my brother this year. Keep telling my other half I have to go first as I don't think I'll cope if he does...

Doesn't help either that I've had a massive fight with him today - and a "to do" last week...
I think he's reacting to my low mood and losing patience with me - he knows I'm stressed as I've told him I feel stressed ALL the time but I haven't said I think I've got a problem or depressed / anxiety with it. I don't think he'd get it.
Especially given he told me I'm mental today like the rest of my family... given my brother was in ICU in January following a suicide attempt those words have really hurt me.
He's trying to act normally now the day has moved on - is never able to say sorry. We don't fight much - occasional cross words here and there over 15 years we've been together but right now I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to let go of those words easily without an apology and he does not say sorry easily... I know he's just talking in moment of fight and prob doesn't mean them - he may not even recall what he said but I'm hurt and it's not helping with the low mood today and lack of joyful ness for sure!

Ps. I'm tired ALL the time... also maybe lazy - or clearly something more