Has anyone used a psychotherapist? How long to feel better?

[Ola9191]

I know I’m still very early days but I recently started therapy with a psychotherapist..I’ve done 7 weeks now. I think she’s good, I click well with her and I’ve tried two different people before this who I didn’t feel comfortable with at all..so I don’t think it’s her. She’s BACP and very experienced etc...

But I feel like I’m not really getting anywhere..I know I’ve hardly had any sessions but I feel like I just keep re-hashing painful memories from my childhood and I logically accept that it’s rubbish and there’s nothing that can be done to change the past but it doesn’t stop me from feeling very angry and resentful and feeling bad about it all.

It’s also brought to the surface problems in my marriage which wasn’t the intention to discuss so I just feel a bit lost at the moment and like I’ve maybe even made the wrong choices but I don’t feel able to change the situation.

I’m in my first trimester of pregnancy and feel physically awful so this probably isn’t helping! I wanted to start now though in the hope I might feel less anxious by the time baby arrives (my second child.

How long did it take for you to feel some shift and progress / improvement? To be bad things happened and I can’t imagine ever not feeling bad about them so it just goes round and round in my head.

So just rehashing stuff for the sake of rehashing it isn't helpful but hopefully the therapist is helping you to process the emotions and gain a new perspective on them. Have you discussed a plan with her?

I've been in therapy a few times and each time it's been for two or three years. Some people see psychotherapists for long stretches of time. It's a good idea to discuss what your mutual expectations are to make sure you're on the same page.

I had weekly psychotherapy sessions for just under a year in 2013 / 14. I had severe trauma from a lot of abuse and I honestly don't think I really felt like I was 'getting anywhere' or making progress until about 5 or even 6 months in. I'm so glad I did it and it was completely life-changing.

Honestly it was 9 months for me. I did therapy for 4 years with my first therapist. I'm going back to therapy with someone new, but only once a month now.

It's also okay to switch and change therapists too, maybe her style doesn't work for you.

I have a psychodynamic clinical psychologist and she is brilliant.
For me, I have to go over the old pain to get it mended. I definitely don't fully subscribe to Freud, and neither will she but she takes parts of him judging by her approach. Freud's 'lancing the boil' of old wounds that weren't correctly healed, some of which is PTSD child sex abuse is something that needs to happen for me in order for the thought processes to be let go of.
It is a well known fact that certain therapies make your mental health worse initially because you are facing and dealing with the pain rather than constantly pushing it away which means it is temporarily more comfortable but will come back again.
It will depend on your traumas.

I agree with what other posters have said that it can take a little bit of time to feel better. In many types of psychotherapy the relationship between you and the therapist plays a big part in the work, and it can take time to build. I would encourage you to think about asking your question of your therapist, any psychotherapist worth their salt will welcome the chance to explore your hopes and doubts further with you. Good luck

"It’s also brought to the surface problems in my marriage which wasn’t the intention to discuss so I just feel a bit lost at the moment and like I’ve maybe even made the wrong choices but I don’t feel able to change the situation."

Probably the most important thing to discuss is the thing you don't feel like discussing. If something is coming to the surface you should discuss it. You need to think holistically, it can be strange how different thoughts and feelings are interconnected and can lead to enlightenment.
I've had therapy on and off for almost 30 years and I'm probably learning more about myself now than ever before.
There is no template, people are different. It depends a lot on how traumatic your early years were as that is when you built psychological defensive patterns which you need to unravel.
Good luck.