Burnout/breakdown - how long to get energy back?

[Gingembre]

Hi there. I've had some kind of breakdown/burnout. It's not exactly come as a surprise as I've had huge levels of stress for years and no emotional support at all at home, with home life itself being a major cause.

So the past two weeks I've been in bed a lot of the time and falling asleep even when I'm not in bed. The past 36 hours I've started crying (before that I couldn't cry at all). I get SO exhausted just from things like going upstairs.

I've been to dr and having blood tests but she's pretty certain it's a direct result of what's been happening in my life and to be quite honest, the only thing I feel like answering when I'm asked how I am is "broken".

If you've felt like this, did you manage to get better? How long did it take before you could walk properly again? What about before you could hold proper conversations with people without your brain hurting? I'm feeling so down and it's just awful that everything is opening up and I can barely leave the house.

I am in a very similar situation. Bumping for you

I've been here.

What I would say is, you can be happy and relaxed again. You will feel lighthearted again. You will one day look back and only realise how awful it was when you're safely through it.

But for right now, you need TLC. Put one foot in front of the other. Scale back your expectations of what you will do. The biggest single thing I did to start to claw my way back out of the hole I was in was to practice gratitude.

If it feels impossible to think of anything to be grateful for, remember nothing is too small.

You have access to the internet.
Do you have a roof over your head tonight? That's a major one!
If you don't have a roof, do you have someone who will put you up? You can be grateful for that.

Here's some of the things I've been grateful for recently:
My family
My home
That it's a sunny day
That I have strong teeth!
Something that made me laugh.

It really doesn't have to be a big thing. The point is that you are re-training your brain.

You're finding things to be happy about. That in turn brings more things. You start to create a positive spiral.

It's not about pretending that everything is ok and you're being positive and glossing over the cracks. It's about finding sprouts of hope.

The bad stuff is still there and needs dealing with, but you are now tackling it from a more solid place when you've got a habit of gratitude.

I really hope this helps.

Well done for communicating your issue.
You have good communication skills and a willingness to seek help.

That's two things right there to be grateful for.

I'd say a good couple of weeks of rest, good food, then try and have walks, but don't expect anything from yourself for at least a month.

Well let's see what your blood tests say before jumping ahead.

For myself, I depend on supplements as I just can't seem to stay strong om diet alone, I take iron, zinc, magnesium, b6, b12 and I also take anti depressants and mht (used to be known as hrt). I'm new to to ADs and mht, and they have improved my mood and sleep so much. I'd say it took about 4 weeks for it all to kick in and to get into a good sleep/wake pattern. Once I was feeling more peaceful, I started at the gym and joined a yoga class. This too has helped enormously. So in the space of 3 months I moved from feeling overwhelmed and devoid of energy to feeling light and energetic.
Nutrition too... it's difficult to care about diet when you feel well but it helps such a lot.

One step at a time
Keep posting xx

This happened recently to DH. He had two weeks off work signed off by the GP (in retrospect a month would have been better), then two weeks of shorter hours. The first few days he just slept, read and pottered around the house. He found sitting out in the garden was good. Tried to eat well and keep to one alcoholic drink in the evening. GP referred to phone CBT service and he had the initial appointment. He felt incredibly tired all the time and very tearful and emotional. Gradually he put some small plans in place (have a shower, shave, feed pets), then expanded them a bit so he was doing more, including minor household chores and projects like changing lightbulbs etc. He also upped his dose of ADs on the advice of his doctor. His work HR department were helpful and arranged phone appointments with an Occupational Health who wrote a report about how working practices had contributed, suggesting changes.

Fast forward a couple of months and he is feeling much better - running a couple of times a week and participating fully in family life. Still a bit tired, and he is keeping an eye on his stress levels, but a world away from where he was.

HTH a bit with a few ideas. Be kind to yourself is easy to say, but honestly, treating yourself like a poorly small child as much as possible can really help you start to heal.

I feel exactly the same OP.Previously a workaholic I feel tearful dizzy and devoid of my previous energy I had before lockdown and until a month ago.
Everyone else seems happy to be back working and I'm not.my homelife is unsupportive too.
I'm about to start sertraline which I've never had before.
I think doing as little as possible while keeping a structure helps.
And I agree a positive s diary helps.

Be gentle on yourself OP. Treat yourself kindly and have a combination of rest and fresh air and gentle exercise. Early nights not late mornings. Only see nice people and avoid any situation which you aren't happy about. Treat yourself the way you would treat a convalescent kitten 🐈

Thank you everybody. I spent a day in bed sleeping and - new - crying. I just couldn't see any way forward (complicated life circs with no support). I don't normally cry because there's no point: it changes nothing and in my life it brings coldness, not support. But I just couldn't stop.

Then yesterday I found pockets of energy. I did a mini (VERY) workout. Had two orgasms and went for a small walk to the supermarket. I was so happy to make it to the supermarket (never thought I'd say that).

I watched TV in the evening (alone) and so many things made my cry again. I feel there's so much pain and sadness inside me.

This morning I did my mini workout again (I'm tracking my reps ie 3(!) lunges and not pushing at all to see if I can slowly get stronger without increasing the cortisol in my system). I was shaky for 3 hours yesterday after it but today I did more (4 lunges) and I feel fine.

My brain still isn't properly working, but I feel like things are at least a bit better than before. Planning some naps today though!

Anybody else going through this, why don't we post how we're doing and finding things? What makes a difference - or not - which I'm sure won't be the same for all of us. It actually helped me knowing I'm not alone. While I don't want anybody else to feel so terrible, being stuck in bed, alone, while lockdown is ending and everybody is starting to meet up again etc made the ramped up the alone-ness.

Gingembre a supportive thread is a good idea 😀
Believe it or not the crying is cathartic.Orgasms help too !
This last 2 weeks have been hard returning to work but each day is easier.I had previously sucked up a lot of shit with no support at work with issues unresolved.Going through me no hasn't helped my mood either.
I was dreading the 12 hr days and no trips out with dh as I work weekends too.
I'm doing gardening,pampering hot soaks and meditation.Cut off works group chat too and limiting demanding dm.
We will come back stronger but these things can't be rushed.

Hey whatisforteamum how is work? Is it still slowly improving?

I'm a mature student and have an important assignment in next week (contributes to degree classification). My brain just can't analyse anything at the moment. I could get a postponement but that would mean I have it hanging over my head to do all summer and I just need a break. So plodding on.

My burnout is caused by my home life (study has been my relief, until my brain stopped working!). OH has very little empathy (been diagnosed and noted through work evaluations). So I have zero emotional support. ALL the emotional support for the kids falls to me, as OH is empathy deficient that means he unwittingly causes problems with the kids, so I have to deal with the emotional fall outs he creates for them, which adds more then kids would otherwise have. There are loads of other things, but that's a biggie.

So last night I was in bed. 7pm. He announces he's SOOOO stressed from work, so is going for a bike ride. I could barely even reply. I get stressed and have to suck it up and put what I feel like doing to the side for years, and then I'm in bed because of all that stress and he still leaves me to deal with the kids. I know he can't help it, but it's so hard to see him carry on as normal - literally - while I'm so tired I'm in bed crying at 7pm.

I've been doing my mini workout every day though. Up from 3 lunges assisted to 7 unassisted! Still can't do a push-up, but I think if I just try every day that one day I'll manage!

I’ve felt like this before.
I’d say 2/3 weeks to get over the initial crash, 2/3 months of serious self care to physically recover, get into proper sleep routine, get your energy back etc. Give it at least 6 months to process all that’s gone on for you, feel the feelings and start to let them go, starting to feel like you can learn and move on with life. Don’t rush it xx

OP sounds like you're doing good, keep looking forward and making baby steps each day. My dh is exactly like yours. We have 3 kids and I know exactly what you mean when you say he causes situations! OP its tough but you know what to do, the answers are there if you look within yourself. I really believe you have resilience to weather this storm, i can feel that from what you've written. Just concentrate on one day at a time and be kind to yourself x

Can I PM you?

Hi @Gingembre - I have sent you a long PM, with all the stuff I did to get over the crisis when I felt like you do.
I forgot to add in the PM, really consciously choose things that lift your spirits (even if they don't seem to lift them straightaway.) Play loads of uplifting music that you love, watch comedies and funny or uplifting films, listen to silly radio shows like Just a Minute or The Unbelievable Truth. Read happy books - good self help stuff or comic novels or whatever refuels you.

Thanks Cowbells. I'll take a look later when I'm on the computer.

It's v early in the morning and I've been awake crying for the past hour. It turns out that my autoimmune disease is also playing up. That happens due to severe stress. This explains part of the cognitive issues I have right now at least.

I have been trying to take it easy and do uplifting things. It works, but at the end of the day I'm still in this situation. I've made so many decisions that I thought were good, a real step forward, going to give me more opportunities and in the end they've led to me being completely broken and so exhausted I'm now stuck in a life I don't have the energy to change any more.

I though 5 years ago I'd be getting a divorce. Brexit put a massive spanner in the works there, but now I have a residency permit where I live, I still can't get out. And I keep going back to "What kind of man/person wants to live with a woman they know doesn't want to be with them?" He told me in September when I again said I can't cope and I'm going to a lawyer (which I did and that is one of the many things I referred to above that didn't work out - badly) that we can't get divorced yet because he needs me for childcare. That was 4.5 years after I'd started the process the first time and not a single day since then had I given him the impression that I'd changed my mind. I am his service human and he's not even embarrassed to say that. He's asexual though so at least that side of things isn't an issue - other than I've been completely starved of any affection intimacy or tenderness for 10+ years...

I couldn't collect the children from their (big) playground on Friday (Corona measures mean I have to walk all the way around and I don't have enough energy for that). I asked to collect them at reception. The kids were late out. The receptionists saw me coming (a bit wobbly) and told me to come inside (no parents allowed in the building at all - Corona) to sit down. It was so nice to have someone be nice to me. I nearly cried. Now I think how pathetic I am that being allowed to sit down when I'm not able to walk properly is such a big thing. My life has become so small.

I'm moaning. I wish I could go back in time 15 years and not entree this marriage. To have retained control over my life would have been good. I just never imagined then that someone would say they loved you and wanted to marry you and then do it and then effectively tick off that box on their list of "Things To do in Life" list. It never occurred to me when it was happening either. It was only years later. And then I was already stuck.