Can't get over being bullied

[Amelia90]

I was bullied horrendously in my last role by a number of women for several years. In the end I could take it no more and resigned (although I did put in a grievance when I left and received a very generous settlement).

Whilst working there I did briefly see a counsellor but this didn't really help as I was very much stuck in the situation (with my manger also becoming one of the bullies).

I did also visit a doctor and she prescribed propanol and citraprolim(sp?) but in the end I didn't take them as I know someone who put on a great deal of weight whilst on anti depressants and this is a fear of mine. That and the fact that my depression/anxiety was due to a situation I was stuck in.

However I have now been out of work for just over two years (mainly due to covid) and am getting very anxious again as all the memories keep flooding back when I am applying for new roles and I find I have to think about my old job. The memories are so vivid it feels as if I am being bullied all over again and I just wanted to know if taking some type of anti anxiety medication might help to push the memories further back in my mind?

It's getting to the stage where I am convincing myself I am going to end up bumping into them in some way/end up working with them again which I know is extremely unrealistic. And if I did bump into the again I would blank them/walk away.

Sorry for the long post.

Amelia

Many years ago, I was horrendously bullied and undermined in a job. It was just awful. Despite being in a state, I managed to get another job. I was nervous and defensive for a long time as I was just scared there was something wrong with me. My new employers were nothing like my old employer though and I slowly regained my confidence and advanced in the organisation. Strangely enough my former tormentors many years later joined my new organisation. I know this sounds too good to be true but actually I am more senior than both of them. They are very polite to me these days but they probably know what I think of them and how pathetic they really were.

I don't know about anti-depressants but it might help to talk to somebody and/or see if medication would help. I have a rare reaction to anti-depressants and can't take them so it wasn't an option for me.

Many thanks for your response Rangoon and sorry you had to go through the same type of thing too. Your response is reassuring. There are plenty of nice people out there (we were just unlucky in having to work with the few that aren't) and I'm glad everything has worked out well for you in your new role.
Amelia

I’m currently going through a hard time in my place of work. The Manager has been sarcastic and has made me feel so undermined and unhappy. I too am looking for alternative employment and do worry if I can move on and let things go.
I’ve never taken any medication either apart from Kalms which (I think) make me feel a little more relaxed.
I find talking with others helps relieve the worry and setting up small goal posts can help me distract myself from thinking about work quite so much.

Hi Amelia, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through such a difficult time. I have experienced bullying at different stages of my life (school was the worst, I then experienced it as an adult in one of my workplaces, & abuse in a relationship). One sentence in your post stuck out the most to me:

'The memories are so vivid it feels as if I am being bullied all over again and I just wanted to know if taking some type of anti anxiety medication might help to push the memories further back in my mind?'

I had these vivid, almost flashback-type memories. What struck me is you talking about pushing them further back in your mind. I found that pushing them away didn't help, they always found a way to come back & could be triggered by the smallest things; this in turn increased my anxiety as I could be triggered at any point & I just felt haunted all the time. Each time these memories came back I'd almost become the person that I was at that time.

What saved me was a combination of antidepressants & therapy. Antidepressants aren't right for everyone & it is a personal choice; I needed them because I became dangerously low & I was also postnatal. They helped stabilise my mood, but therapy is what has changed my life. I've had a few different types, including EMDR for the flashbacks & CBT for the residual issues with self-esteem & confidence. I personally would advise perhaps going to your GP for a referral or seeing if you can self-refer in your local area.

I'm in a good place in my life now; it took me years to seek help but once I did (about 3 years ago), I've come so far in a relatively short space of time. Trying to escape the memories didn't help, confronting them & processing them did.

I really wish you all the best.

Thank you both so much for your responses and sorry you are going through something similar Deedyn.

Southernbelles thank your commenting on the flashbacks and how you worked through the situation. EDMR seems interesting and I will look into this further. I was initially assigned two counsellors at work but left the first one as he couldn't understand why I didn't stand up for myself and the second one just kept wanting to do mindfulness exercises which aren't for me. Maybe as I am now separate from the situation it would help more to speak with a professional about it. I will think about booking a doctor's appointment although my fear is that I'm not very good at opening up and will probably appear very calm and composed during the consultation.

I'm sorry too about the bullying that has happened to you in the past but am really happy you've managed to get into a really good place today.

Many thanks once again, I really appreciate your input.

Amelia

I can understand how you feel as I have low self esteem from my dh speaking badly to me and my workplace subtly ostracising me.
I returned to work two weeks ago was dreading it.
I don't want to be there and don't feel part of the team which is making me feel bad like walking on eggshells.
Nothing specific happens just nit picking and as I'm the only woman I have no one to relate to.
I would speak to the gp if I were you.Good luck job hunting.