I CAN'T COPE ANYMORE

[feelingglum]

I am feeling so low...at this moment in time i'm at home with my baby girl in bed and my partner out god knows where. I should be happy with everything but i just want to run away and i'm feeling like it more and more just recently. My partner has just started a new job as an estate agent and i want to be happy for him but i just feel threatened and jealous. I'm at home all day with my 18 week old girl while he's out and about meeting people and making something of himself. I should be happy for him but i just feel rubbish.He sold his first house today and i didn't even congratulate him, hence him storming out. I don't want to be envious, i'm scared he'll leave me for someone thinner and more beautiful than me. I feel so ugly and worthless. I just want to run away from all this. I'm not good enough for him or my baby girl.

Oh, dear!
I hope it helps you to know that many, many, many new mums feel something similar.

The best advice I can offer is to tell your partner how you feel -- maybe even show him what you have written?

Also, I recently started an evening class to get me out & about -- it has helped a lot, I feel more confident and able to cope with the rest of the week.

My thoughts will be with you.

I sound so pathetic don't i. I don't want to eat or anything and i just cry all the time. I put on a brave face and tell everyone i'm ok when really i need somebody. But i don't want people to think i'm a failure as mum and as a person.

Sorry, I can't remember how the hell to get rid of my Halloween name.

It sounds like you need to talk to the people around you -- I'm sure they will tell you what a great job you are doing and hopefully help you get the rest you need.

I agree with Psycho that if it is this bad, you should talk to your HV (mine comes for a cuppa about 1x a month just so that I can talk -- she is the only person I can tell that I feel like a failure) or your GP.

Also, do you know any other mums? contact Sure start or any other mum& baby groups in your area (your local council should have a list). Being able to talk to other mums who are going through it can help too.

Most of all, you are not pathetic and you are not a failure. You are going through a dramatic change (physically as well as emotionally) and you need some support.

I was like this after my dd1 and i have to say it got better. What did you do before having dd? It didn't help me with the fact that i work with dh so he would come home chatting about all our friends etc. I felt left out sad fat depressed and angry. I have just had my dd2 and this time i know it gets better i was prepared for this down bit. Talking to my dh about how i felt was really hard but made things so much better.

I have spoken to him but i think he's finally had enough of my ever changing moods and jealousy. I'm pushing him away and its the last thing i want to do but i just can't help it. I really just want to run away from all this. I find it hard being a mum, I love her but i always feel i'm doing everything wrong.

I think your right. I need to speak to someone i feel won't judge me like my family will. I'll ring the HV tomorrow because if i don't do it soon i think i'm gona have a break down or something. My head is constantly spinning.

Sorry to shout but

YOU NEED A DAY OFF.

FAST.

Talk to someone even me if you like hollienovell at hotmail.com

Do you have anyone that can take the baby for you for an hour or 2 so you can do something just for you? (I don't know what floats your boat or what is in reason financially: a trip to the library, coffee shop, saloon, shoe store, museum, spa???)

Thanks for your advice i really do appreciate it. Its nice to know that there is someone out there that can hear about how i feel and actually care about what i have to say

sorry, salon, although saloon might work too in this case!

I felt like this after having my dd not really with ds though.

You need to talk to someone, speak to your health visitor it was the best thing i ever did, they are fully understanding & will help you & you will feel so much better to get it all out i did. You must be honest with her though, let her know whats happening.

If you ever feel like you want to chat you can contact me scooby24 @ ntl worl dot com

I've got to take her for injections friday at the doctors so i'll speak to someone then. I went to baby massage today which was nice as i was out of the house but i don't drive which is a bit of a problem, but i am taking lessons once a week if that counts as time to myself! And oreGORE the saloon sounds v. good to me

Thanks so much everyone... he's just come through the front door now so i'm going to go. I think i need a bath to calm down. Thanks again for the advice.

Driving lessons can be stressful tho (but it's great you're learning!) -- what about something more relaxing?

I would go absolutely insane if I didn't get out of the house every day. I get up, try to put on make up, and go out every day, even if it's only a trip to the shops.

Good luck - and please do talk to someone. And don't feel that feeling like this is your fault or in anyway not normal. My oldest is 20 now, but I still vividly remember those first few months as some of the worst of my life - relentless hard work, the constant fear that I was cocking everything up and awful loneliness, despite friends, DP etc. It DOES get better, and you'll be fine.

Ok 1- talk to dh when if gets home! 2- talk to hv or i spoke to my doc didn't ever see a hv with dd1 after first few days. 3- go to salon get hair done maybe nails? 4- get new clothes that helped me feel better actually wearing clothes that fitted! And remember we're all here too!

feelingglum - i am on msn right now if u want real time [email protected]

I felt like this after my twins, they are now 3 and i would say i am 'stable'!

Just looked at your pics, your twins are gorgeous meely & that pic with chicken pocs is soo bad

Hi feeling glum. I was like this after DD 5 years ago, still bad when fell pregant with DS when DD was only 9 months old. It never got better (although I thought it had) and when DS born I crashed big time. Took me 2 and a half years to realise that what I was going through was PND and to get help. Nearly lost marriage and mind. On prozac now but still drink heavily to escape the boredom of a life at home. Desperate to go back to work but cant till next Sept when DS goes to nursery. Just want to be me again.

thanks scoobs - it was a scary few days bless him - i will take those pics off actually,will scare the bejeezus out of new mums to be!

Feelingglum, I am home alone tonite with a curry and some wine - i'll be on msn and MN, so say hi if you are around......

FG,
where are you?? Are you feeling better?