At what point to you just accept you’ll never be ‘well’ again?

[Magictoothfairy]

I’d say I’ve felt depressed most of my life, since probably 12 years old and I’m now late 30s. I could cope with being depressed but it’s now accompanied by a heavy dose of horrendous anxiety, which I’ve had for about six years.
It’s paralysing and it means I find it hard to function some of the time, particularly in the morning.
I can only describe it as constantly feeling restless and on edge. Like I’m always waiting to feel better and never do. I don’t look forward to anything, I don’t enjoy anything. I feel constantly like something awful is going to happen. I am detached and checked out. I don’t sleep terribly well. I don’t eat much because I feel sick a lot of the time. I’ve got to a place where I feel like I’m so unwell that it’s impossible to change it and I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve had talking therapy which didn’t help and I’ve been to the GP which also wasn’t any help.
I keep hoping it’ll go away and I will feel like my old self again - not anxious - but it’s not really lifted in the last six years although there have been times when it’s been worse. Now it is quite bad. I’d like it to stop. I’ve tried distraction but my concentration is gone, I can’t focus on anything.

No advice to give here but I can totally relate to your post and I feel the same most of the time. Mine didn't start in childhood though but after the birth of my youngest child. I'm crippled with severe anxiety over everything. I do not enjoy life at all and feel like I'm always waiting or putting things on hold until I'm feeling better and strong enough mentally. I hate to think this is me now for the rest of my life. I've had a course of CBT many years ago which didn't really help. Like you op I find it hard to concentrate and focus on things to distract myself. My house has become a complete mess as I cannot focus or don't have the motivation to sort it out. I just wish I could go back to my old self but can see that's not going to happen and this is probably me now for the rest of my life.

I can so relate to this.

I am also coming off fluoxetine so that is complicated but tbh it was coming to a point where the side effects were a huge problem. Ideally I'd like to not take anything.

It's like a lack of drive. It comes and goes. I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes just letting myself be is the best way.

Did the GP try and help at all? Did they offer anything?

How are you feeling today?

Reading Paul David's 'At Last A Life' really helped me.
It's about accepting how you are.
I honestly felt a lot better after reading it. Things really reasonated with me and a lot of my anxiety left ( sounds mad but honestly I'm a different person overall. Still have episodes of anxiety and panic but much less intensely).

I found finding the right counsellor for me helped a great deal. I have had problems since a teenager off and on, I am now in my 60s and realised a long time ago I am just like other people with good and bad days, just that sometimes mines are a bit more extreme.
My partner does not understand depression but he is a great sounding board and makes me laugh at myself, I just call myself ditsy.

I can relate. I've been anxious and depressed since the age of 11 and I'm 43 this year. Sometimes I feel like like I can't take another day like this let alone another 50 years. I've tried the GP, antidepressants, CBT, counselling and nothing has really helped or improved. I just seem to get worse with age. I've pretty much given up now and try and accept it as just how my life is but it is hard.

So sorry to here you're feeling like this. I can relate to a lot of what you've said.

Have you been offered medication at all? Sometimes it takes a few tries with different ones til you find one or a combination that works for you.

Have you tried seeing a different GP? I know seeing an unhelpful one can be very disheartening but some GPs are really lovely and understanding, it might take seeing a few different ones.

Well done for being honest about how you're feeling, that's very brave of you and continue reaching out for help because it is out there and things can get better as hard as it might be to believe

I've struggled with my mental health from a very young age and it deteriorated the older I got, it wasn't until I moved a few years ago, found a doctor who actually listened and didn't try to rush me, referred me to the mental health team etc that I was properly diagnosed, put on appropriate medication etc. It's took a quite a few tries to find a medication that works for me and it's taken me this long to take it consistently but things are definitely getting much better now, after a few months on medication.

Have you tried mindfulness, cbt, meditation...you could possibly try and do those from home when you feel able to, that could maybe help.

OP I hope you don't mind if I make a couple of observations
I can start my own thread if you prefer

for me, it's the sense of no impetus to do anything

Also, I've found I feel better while talking to the counsellor but after that, not really. After the appointment, nothing is different.